126

Surprise random mailbag


 

Lots going on in the world. Libya. Wisconsin. Plus my dog has decided that Nerf gun darts constitute a canine food group.

Queries? Insert them below.

 

 


 
Filed under:

Surprise random mailbag

  1. Dear Scott,

    Maybe if you stop shooting your dog with a Nerf gun, your dog will stop eating the darts. I recommend using an air pistol instead. Not only are the pellets inedible, the projectile velocity is faster, so the disciplinary effects are more pronounced.

    Also: do you secretly enjoy being harangued by anonymous blog commenters? I've often wondered.

  2. Dear Scott,

    Maybe if you stop shooting your dog with a Nerf gun, your dog will stop eating the darts. I recommend using an air pistol instead. Not only are the pellets inedible, the projectile velocity is faster, so the disciplinary effects are more pronounced.

    Also: do you secretly enjoy being harangued by anonymous blog commenters? I've often wondered.

    • Those pellets are indigestible, but I'm pretty sure they're small enough to be eaten, lol.

  3. Dear Scott

    I'm worried about former Integrity Commissioner Christiane Ouimet. It seems that the terms of her resignation agreement include some sort of binding gag order. Is it true that she'll never be able to speak to anyone ever again?
    Did the government at least offer to assist her with some sort of "mime" re-training program to transition her into her new life?

    regards,

    danby

  4. Dear Scott

    I'm worried about former Integrity Commissioner Christiane Ouimet. It seems that the terms of her resignation agreement include some sort of binding gag order. Is it true that she'll never be able to speak to anyone ever again?
    Did the government at least offer to assist her with some sort of "mime" re-training program to transition her into her new life?

    regards,

    danby

    • I am with you on this one Danby – with all the stench coming out of Ottawa these days, this is the story that definitely troubles me the most.

    • The work of the Integrity Commission is like Fight Club.

      The first rule is…

    • She's showing so much integrity, its a wonder she was resigned in the first place.

  5. Dear Scott,

    I'm worried about Rahim Jaffer now that the government operations and estimates committee has determined his testimony before the committee was not credible. Will Rahim ever find suitable employment again? Or is he relegated to a lifetime of being Mr. Mom? Are there opportunities for him to open a Parliamentary daycare business out of his wife's office? Maybe an after-school program for Stephen Harper's kids?

  6. Dear Scott,

    I'm worried about Rahim Jaffer now that the government operations and estimates committee has determined his testimony before the committee was not credible. Will Rahim ever find suitable employment again? Or is he relegated to a lifetime of being Mr. Mom? Are there opportunities for him to open a Parliamentary daycare business out of his wife's office? Maybe an after-school program for Stephen Harper's kids?

    • Mr Mom?
      Scoop, I believe the current term is: Manny

      • Danby – as long as your not throwing out any terms such as wet nurse, I'm comfortable with that… ;)

  7. Scott,
    Now that we live under the Harper government in the great country of Harperia. There are rumours going around that Macleans will follow suit and re-brand their magazine in the name of one of the columnists. Can you tell us all the names under consideration, and have a poll on this issue so readers can weight in?

  8. Scott,
    Now that we live under the Harper government in the great country of Harperia. There are rumours going around that Macleans will follow suit and re-brand their magazine in the name of one of the columnists. Can you tell us all the names under consideration, and have a poll on this issue so readers can weight in?

    • Wells's Magazine: doesn't work – too essy.
      Coyne's Magazine: sounds like a collector's journal.
      Feschuk's Magazine; a definite possibility. And think of the affectionate nicknames the commenters could come up with!

  9. Feschuk

    Is it time for Arsenal to fire Arsene Wenger? Wenger has been great manager for the club but he's completely lost the plot the last year or two. If Wenger would only buy a few proper players, Arsenal might start winning trophies again, but he's wedded to a bunch of half witted losers.

    Signed

    Depressed Gooner

    ps any thoughts on how other middle aged men can set themselves up with a nanny and porn star for companions? Not following Sheen story too closely but he appears to be living every young man's dream, anyway, and I would not mind some of that action for myself.

  10. Feschuk

    Is it time for Arsenal to fire Arsene Wenger? Wenger has been great manager for the club but he's completely lost the plot the last year or two. If Wenger would only buy a few proper players, Arsenal might start winning trophies again, but he's wedded to a bunch of half witted losers.

    Signed

    Depressed Gooner

    ps any thoughts on how other middle aged men can set themselves up with a nanny and porn star for companions? Not following Sheen story too closely but he appears to be living every young man's dream, anyway, and I would not mind some of that action for myself.

  11. I am with you on this one Danby – with all the stench coming out of Ottawa these days, this is the story that definitely troubles me the most.

  12. Who's your pick for the next celebrity meltdown? I'm going with Betty White on a drunken rampage through the streets of Branson, Missouri.

  13. Who's your pick for the next celebrity meltdown? I'm going with Betty White on a drunken rampage through the streets of Branson, Missouri.

    • Jon Cryer. He never really got over losing Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink, and he's an advanced student of Krav Maga.

  14. For those too busy to follow the intricate details, can you explain the in-and-out election fraud scandal?

  15. I was wondering if Pierre Polievre is some kind of robot, possibly put together by evil leprachauns. If so, is he more like the Buffy-bot from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Rosie the maid from the Jetsons?

  16. For those too busy to follow the intricate details, can you explain the in-and-out election fraud scandal?

    • Those are good burgers, Walter.

  17. I was wondering if Pierre Polievre is some kind of robot, possibly put together by evil leprachauns. If so, is he more like the Buffy-bot from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Rosie the maid from the Jetsons?

    • Leprechauns …. always such convenient scapegoats. Leave 'em alone.
      Like so much else these days, I have always assumed that PP was made in China.

      • I was referring only to evil leprechauns, not the species in general.

      • "made in china" still mostly just means assembling parts that were conceived, designed and sometimes even still produced elsewhere (see berry, Black). So the pressing question isn't who put him together, but who would design such a robot?

        • He was designed to be the bass player in a new Christian boy-band but he was abandoned in development when another prototype (the BEIBerbot1) showed better results on the charisma and talent indices. Polievre was sold as scrap to a young John Baird who then got him elected as an MP to win a bet .

          • dang, wish I'd gotten a piece of that bet (the odds were long that PP would take down Minister Pratt, but I knew SkippyBot1.0 was a contender!)

  18. Mr Mom?
    Scoop, I believe the current term is: Manny

  19. Scott,

    I've heard that you are a champion of the little guy and that you refuse to get caught up in the vortex of phony Parliament Hill stories that preoccupy self-proclaimed "experts" and political elites. Is that true?

  20. Scott,

    I've heard that you are a champion of the little guy and that you refuse to get caught up in the vortex of phony Parliament Hill stories that preoccupy self-proclaimed "experts" and political elites. Is that true?

  21. Danby – as long as your not throwing out any terms such as wet nurse, I'm comfortable with that… ;)

  22. Dear Scott

    Please excuse my double post, but I just have to ask you something.

    My Father once told me that when he was a lad, a boy might show that he "liked" a young lass by doing unpleasant things like dipping her ponytail in an inkwell.
    It would seem that back then, being "mean" to a girl demonstrated that you were actually "sweet on her".

    Do you think Jane Taber's (great) grandfather has told her about this old "custom"?

  23. Dear Scott

    Please excuse my double post, but I just have to ask you something.

    My Father once told me that when he was a lad, a boy might show that he "liked" a young lass by doing unpleasant things like dipping her ponytail in an inkwell.
    It would seem that back then, being "mean" to a girl demonstrated that you were actually "sweet on her".

    Do you think Jane Taber's (great) grandfather has told her about this old "custom"?

  24. Dear Scott,

    "Surprise random mailbag" was the nickname for the streaker at Western Football games c 1990. Often to the sound of Hogan's Heroes theme song. Was that you?

  25. Dear Scott,

    "Surprise random mailbag" was the nickname for the streaker at Western Football games c 1990. Often to the sound of Hogan's Heroes theme song. Was that you?

  26. Those pellets are indigestible, but I'm pretty sure they're small enough to be eaten, lol.

  27. Dear Scott:

    I've been forced to join the Twitter generation at work. Part of my employement now includes tweeting. If I don't tweet, I'm out of work.

    I need either a lawyer, or a painless way to off myself. Suggestions?

  28. The work of the Integrity Commission is like Fight Club.

    The first rule is…

  29. Dear Scott,

    Have you seen my keys? I can't find them anywhere.

  30. Dear Scott,

    Have you seen my keys? I can't find them anywhere.

    • I'll return them to you when I bring back your car!!

      • You're in my car RIGHT NOW???

        Now, where did I leave that remote detonator for the self-destruct…

        • In the glove compartment. D'oh!

    • I found a set, but "happiness" and "life" don't seem to be amongst those on the keyring.
      Are they yours?

    • They're under the sofa. You dropped them on the floor, and the cat batted them under there.

      You're welcome.

      • Typical cat behaviour, though it's nothing a few well aimed nerf darts wouldn't take care of.

      • Putting the keys with evidence of CPC wrongdoing CATS!

  31. Leprechauns …. always such convenient scapegoats. Leave 'em alone.
    Like so much else these days, I have always assumed that PP was made in China.

  32. I'll return them to you when I bring back your car!!

  33. I found a set, but "happiness" and "life" don't seem to be amongst those on the keyring.
    Are they yours?

  34. You're in my car RIGHT NOW???

    Now, where did I leave that remote detonator for the self-destruct…

  35. Is one of them labeled "Dharma Initiative"? 'Cause I REALLY need that one back!!!

  36. I was referring only to evil leprechauns, not the species in general.

  37. "made in china" still mostly just means assembling parts that were conceived, designed and sometimes even still produced elsewhere (see berry, Black). So the pressing question isn't who put him together, but who would design such a robot?

  38. I would orchestrate a security breach via tweet, causing management to ban tweeting at work.

    Either that or get a job driving a tractor.

  39. I would orchestrate a security breach via tweet, causing management to ban tweeting at work.

    Either that or get a job driving a tractor.

    • The new John Deere Destroyer runs Android 3.0, which supports a variety of Twitter apps.

      • My old John Deere has a dent on the fender that serves as an ashtray. Technology is what you make of it, I guess.

  40. She's showing so much integrity, its a wonder she was resigned in the first place.

  41. Dear Scott,

    I am a Tiger-blood filled ninja warlock who is in the habit of #winning at life.

    Recently however I broke one off one of my warlock fangs while trying to bite/twist open a bottle of Miller Highlife. Since then Miller Highlife just hasn't tasted like the “Champagne of Beers” and I'm left feeling as though I'm actually #losing-done.

    Do you have any advice for how I can get back to #winning?

  42. It's said that the dead outnumber the living, but the exact ratio is debated because not all of the data is available.

    Has anyone calculated the ratio of Former Staffers to Current Staffers in the Harper Government© ?

  43. It's said that the dead outnumber the living, but the exact ratio is debated because not all of the data is available.

    Has anyone calculated the ratio of Former Staffers to Current Staffers in the Harper Government© ?

  44. Dear Scott,

    Thanks to Pierre Pollivere, we know that ALL of the political parties are guilty of the In and Out scheme.We also know that Elections Canada, Public Prosecutions and the RCMP are all involved in this conspiracy against our Prime Minister.

    Could you explain to me just how deep this conspiracy goes?

    How close are we to being rounded up and placed into FEMA prison camps by order of the Rothschilds and George Soros?

  45. Dear Scott,

    Thanks to Pierre Pollivere, we know that ALL of the political parties are guilty of the In and Out scheme.We also know that Elections Canada, Public Prosecutions and the RCMP are all involved in this conspiracy against our Prime Minister.

    Could you explain to me just how deep this conspiracy goes?

    How close are we to being rounded up and placed into FEMA prison camps by order of the Rothschilds and George Soros?

  46. He was designed to be the bass player in a new Christian boy-band but he was abandoned in development when another prototype (the BEIBerbot1) showed better results on the charisma and talent indices. Polievre was sold as scrap to a young John Baird who then got him elected as an MP to win a bet .

  47. dang, wish I'd gotten a piece of that bet (the odds were long that PP would take down Minister Pratt, but I knew SkippyBot1.0 was a contender!)

  48. Dear Scott

    Sorry for being such a pain in the ask you questions department.

    Claudia Lemire was kind enough to point us to the Minister's Award for Excellence presented to the Yang Sheng Restaurant by Jason Kenney.

    I was unaware of this award, and was hoping you could give us the inside scoop on how it all works.

  49. Dear Scott

    Sorry for being such a pain in the ask you questions department.

    Claudia Lemire was kind enough to point us to the Minister's Award for Excellence presented to the Yang Sheng Restaurant by Jason Kenney.

    I was unaware of this award, and was hoping you could give us the inside scoop on how it all works.

    • wow, that sure is some authentic MULTIcultural dining experience there at Yang Sheng, they serve Chinese food, Cantonese Food, Szechuan food… doesn't get much more diverse than that!

  50. Hey Scott, can you hold this $5000 for a second? Thanks, I'll take it back now. Guess what you just bought?…

  51. Hey Scott, can you hold this $5000 for a second? Thanks, I'll take it back now. Guess what you just bought?…

  52. Dear Scott:

    The Prime Minister has just announced that he and Mrs. Harper will be attending the wedding of Prince William. Who do think will be the rowdiest guest from the Commonweatlh at this event?

  53. Dear Scott:

    The Prime Minister has just announced that he and Mrs. Harper will be attending the wedding of Prince William. Who do think will be the rowdiest guest from the Commonweatlh at this event?

  54. Dear Scott:

    Given the In and Out Scandal, should we refer to the opposition leaders as the Three Horsemen of the Harpocalypse, or should we include Mayrand, the three Appeal Court Judges, and the public prosecutor as the Five Horsemen of the Harpocalypse? Perhaps we should refer to them all collectively as the Eight Horsemen of the Harpocalypse? Maybe we should refer to the four Conservatives facing charges as the Four Horsemen of the Harpocalypse? Ah, so many options….

  55. Dear Scott:

    Given the In and Out Scandal, should we refer to the opposition leaders as the Three Horsemen of the Harpocalypse, or should we include Mayrand, the three Appeal Court Judges, and the public prosecutor as the Five Horsemen of the Harpocalypse? Perhaps we should refer to them all collectively as the Eight Horsemen of the Harpocalypse? Maybe we should refer to the four Conservatives facing charges as the Four Horsemen of the Harpocalypse? Ah, so many options….

  56. Beautiful. I remember that show from when we lived in Ottawa.

  57. wow, that sure is some authentic MULTIcultural dining experience there at Yang Sheng, they serve Chinese food, Cantonese Food, Szechuan food… doesn't get much more diverse than that!

  58. Jon Cryer. He never really got over losing Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink, and he's an advanced student of Krav Maga.

  59. Those are good burgers, Walter.

  60. The new John Deere Destroyer runs Android 3.0, which supports a variety of Twitter apps.

  61. My old John Deere has a dent on the fender that serves as an ashtray. Technology is what you make of it, I guess.

  62. Dear Scott:

    If we lived in the Star Trek Universe, would the Harper Party be Ferrengi or Romulans?

  63. Dear Scott:

    If we lived in the Star Trek Universe, would the Harper Party be Ferrengi or Romulans?

    • The NDP are the Borg. The Liberals are the dark side of the Force.

    • Tribbles

      • Is that why all the ministerial staff wear red shirts?

  64. Definitely Ferengi.

  65. The NDP are the Borg. The Liberals are the dark side of the Force.

  66. In the glove compartment. D'oh!

  67. Dear Scott,

    It seems the Canada Elections Act and Marleau et Montpetit will become required reading during the upcoming campaign. I know I'm excited no end!

    But, um, how to put this delicately…

    Mr. Ignatieff is undoubtedly a scholarly giant and will do great academic justice to these tomes on the lecture circuit campaign trail. But Canadians might like it, dunno, jazzed up a tad. So, um, we know you've lightened up a previous Liberal campaign that was in serious need of lightening up… So howzaboutit? You ready to be a campaign blogger again?

  68. Dear Scott,

    It seems the Canada Elections Act and Marleau et Montpetit will become required reading during the upcoming campaign. I know I'm excited no end!

    But, um, how to put this delicately…

    Mr. Ignatieff is undoubtedly a scholarly giant and will do great academic justice to these tomes on the lecture circuit campaign trail. But Canadians might like it, dunno, jazzed up a tad. So, um, we know you've lightened up a previous Liberal campaign that was in serious need of lightening up… So howzaboutit? You ready to be a campaign blogger again?

  69. Do you work for Minister Clement?

  70. Do you work for Minister Clement?

  71. They're under the sofa. You dropped them on the floor, and the cat batted them under there.

    You're welcome.

  72. Tribbles

  73. Is that why all the ministerial staff wear red shirts?

  74. Typical cat behaviour, though it's nothing a few well aimed nerf darts wouldn't take care of.

  75. Wells's Magazine: doesn't work – too essy.
    Coyne's Magazine: sounds like a collector's journal.
    Feschuk's Magazine; a definite possibility. And think of the affectionate nicknames the commenters could come up with!

  76. Dear Scott,

    Given the Pierre Polievre's conspiracy tales, is he pen pals with Gaddafi? Or were they separated at birth? Just wondering when Pierre is going to reveal that Elections Canada have been seriously drugged with some psychotropic drugs and that he was passing Gaddafi's fashion and people skills to Bev Oda.

  77. Dear Scott,

    Given the Pierre Polievre's conspiracy tales, is he pen pals with Gaddafi? Or were they separated at birth? Just wondering when Pierre is going to reveal that Elections Canada have been seriously drugged with some psychotropic drugs and that he was passing Gaddafi's fashion and people skills to Bev Oda.

  78. Putting the keys with evidence of CPC wrongdoing CATS!

  79. Dear Scott – are Momar Gaddafi and Gene Simmons the same person? And if his assets are frozen, does Shannon Tweed become available?

  80. Dear Scott – are Momar Gaddafi and Gene Simmons the same person? And if his assets are frozen, does Shannon Tweed become available?

  81. Dear Scott, Marrying Americans – acceptable or no?

  82. Dear Scott, Marrying Americans – acceptable or no?

  83. Dear Scott:

    What does your dogs poo look like 24 hours after a nerf shoot-out?

    tceh

  84. Dear Scott:

    What does your dogs poo look like 24 hours after a nerf shoot-out?

    tceh

  85. Where is the mailbag Scott? I did not do any work all day so I could wait for the mailbag. My lack of productivity is on your hands!

  86. Where is the mailbag Scott? I did not do any work all day so I could wait for the mailbag. My lack of productivity is on your hands!

    • Scott's probably drumming up support for Our Hardworking Men And Women In The Forces Who Really Need Several Tens Of Billions Of Fighter Jets Acquired Through Ad Hoc Procurement Processes Because They Really Need Them from among the ranks of those wimpy foreign left-leaning liberal pansies that he consorts with.

      • your reply would be funny if not for the alarming possibility that you could be right :s

  87. Scott's probably drumming up support for Our Hardworking Men And Women In The Forces Who Really Need Several Tens Of Billions Of Fighter Jets Acquired Through Ad Hoc Procurement Processes Because They Really Need Them from among the ranks of those wimpy foreign left-leaning liberal pansies that he consorts with.

  88. Scott…..is there actually a purpose to an open mailbag when you don't answer the mail??……..just wonderin'

  89. Scott…..is there actually a purpose to an open mailbag when you don't answer the mail??……..just wonderin'

  90. your reply would be funny if not for the alarming possibility that you could be right :s

  91. A special reminder, courtesy of Dave Hoy, honky tonk piano, Oxbox Tavern, London legend: http://www.davehoy.com/

    ♫
    Bang your knockers, ring your bell
    Gee, I bet you think I'm swell
    I'm your mailman

    I don't need no keys for locks
    I'll just slip it in your box
    I'm your mailman

    I can come in any kind of weather
    That's because my bag is made of leather
    So if your slot's a little small
    I'll hold the post until you call
    I'm your mailman. ♫

  92. A special reminder, courtesy of Dave Hoy, honky tonk piano, Oxbox Tavern, London legend: http://www.davehoy.com/


    Bang your knockers, ring your bell
    Gee, I bet you think I'm swell
    I'm your mailman

    I don't need no keys for locks
    I'll just slip it in your box
    I'm your mailman

    I can come in any kind of weather
    That's because my bag is made of leather
    So if your slot's a little small
    I'll hold the post until you call
    I'm your mailman. ♫

  93. With the situation in Japan, what do you think the outlook is for the potential application of robots and/or some hot mutagenic action towards sexytime in an elevated radiation climate? I’m thinking purely for the benefit of our stricken compatriots in Japan. I just happen to be filming myself tied to a Sybian machine for research purposes.

  94. With the situation in Japan, what do you think the outlook is for the potential application of robots and/or some hot mutagenic action towards sexytime in an elevated radiation climate? I’m thinking purely for the benefit of our stricken compatriots in Japan. I just happen to be filming myself tied to a Sybian machine for research purposes.

Sign in to comment.