The Peter Milliken-Mary Kay Caption Challenge


By popular demand (okay, LynnTO asked in the Comments under Mitchel’s photographic account of a reception held by the Direct Sellers Association of Canada), we invite one and all to submit captions for this photograph of the actual Speaker of the actual House of Commons hanging out at the Mary Kay table. (Please check out Mitchel’s pictorial for all the relevant scene-setting details and also photos of meatballs.)

The victor, as declared by a jury of me, shall receive a prize valued in the tens of dollars. But wait – that’s not all! If you enter now, the winner will also receive widespread public acclaim at no cost! (You pay only the shipping & handling.)

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The Peter Milliken-Mary Kay Caption Challenge

  1. Several times in the past, I've written about the urgent need for more Ottawa receptions to supply our MPs with copious amounts of free (well, taxpayer-funded) booze. As I wrote:

    But where's the excessive boozing? We need some serious old-school drunken comradery amongst MPs to heal the gaping wounds in Parliamentary civility.

    I'm gratified that the Speaker of the House has finally taken my suggestions seriously:

    Speaker uses taxpayer liquor as quicker route to civility in Parliament

    OTTAWA — When reprimands and admonitions fail to improve the comportment of Canada's pugnacious parliamentarians, try plying them with booze – courtesy of the taxpayer. That seems to be the theory behind House of Commons Speaker Peter Milliken's latest attempt to promote civility among MPs and senators with a "whisky-tasting reception." And since Canadians routinely complain about the juvenile antics of their politicians, perhaps taxpayers won't mind footing the roughly $2,000 bill for the collegiality-building exercise.

    In gratitude for Peter Milliken's decisive action on this issue, I'll refrain from the photo caption contest. (I was just going to make a lame joke about Harper's lip gloss, anyway.)

  2. "And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning." ~ Winston Churchill, paraphrased.

    This is not meant to be a comment on the woman in the photo – we can't see her but I am sure she's lovely. I just had image of Milliken having one too many to drink and taking offence at some beauty tips MK lady provided.

  3. "Tested on politicians, not animals."

    • With respect to his honour Feschuk, I think we have a winner.

  4. "So I had to take a second job. Being Speaker just doesn't pay all that well."

  5. "Ms Letourneau, I presume. bwahahah!"

  6. (last one, I promise)

    "How much for the Joe Volpe action figure?"

  7. Milliken to MK rep: "What do you recommend to blend and balance the excessive rosiness in my cheeks and nose?"

    MK rep (chewing on a cigar like Groucho Marx): "About three fewer glasses of wine!"

  8. "Psst, why is that bear looking at me with such disappointment?"

  9. Millikin’s latest scheme to restore decore and order to the house. Mary Kay vouchers for the boys who do behave.

  10. Millnkin: “Funny how Mary Kay’s the only thing that’ll calm that prat Baird down!
    Hmmm. That’s a nice shade of blush… Wonder if Peter could use that right now”!

  11. Millikin: " It's how i cope! A little of this [ raises glass] and a little of that! [ Mary Kay]
    Frankly it's either this, or i blow Baird's freaking head off!"

  12. I just can't resist these things. It's a great pity Scott so rarely does this anymore.

    Millinkin:" Er…yes they're all very nice. But do you have something with a little more tar or feathers in it?; It's for my boys you know."

  13. Okay MP's, let's get advice from Mary Kay for the right shades for Harper, then we can pitch in and buy him the whole cleansing, toning, make-up kit for Xmas

  14. "Pink scratch and sniff ten percenters embossed with the Mary Kay logo? Sure, why not? <burp>"

  15. "How much did you say I have to buy, er I mean, sell to earn the pink Mary Kay Cadillac?"

  16. MILLIKEN: they call it "lupus blush on a neutral base." What do you think? Is it me?

    • Actually, the more I look at his photo, the more I worry about our Speaker of the House. Do a Google Image search on "lupus butterfly rash" and see for yourself.

      Aaron, Mitchell or Paul, you guys who hang around Parliament: if you might confidentially share this concern with Mr. Milliken, that he should have a chat with his doctor, especially if he has been experiencing other health issues. Maybe he's got lupus and he knows it. Or maybe he's got it and he doesn't know it. Or maybe he doesn't have lupus. But boy-oh-boy that pattern of redness just jumps out and screams "lupus" to anyone like me who knows someone with this condition.

      • myl, I've got this funny looking mole on my behind. Can I email you a picture for a consult? :)

        (not tring to diminish the gravity of your main point…)

  17. "These? Oh we got them as part of the secret settlement over the Cadman lawsuit."


    Far be it from me to question mob wisdom – YSP wins the prize.

    YSP, please email me at sfeschukATsympaticoDOTca and I'll get about rewardin' you.

    • Not to worry – he's already put it back in the cage. Sniffy is camera shy.

  19. Having failed to restore civility to the House in general, and Question Period in particular, the Speaker — in a fit of pique brought on by mounting frustration and too much wine — buys lipstick for the pigs.

  20. (Late, but I'm gonna share anyway)

    "It gives me he lifestyle I want… and the products I need."

  21. No, it's ^NOT for me, I have a colleague who is going to be looking for work very soon, and she has a nack for making things up!

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