This is your brain on more intelligence


 

Science tells us that we use only 10% of our brains – less if we were in any way involved in The Love Guru. But science is less clear about the upside of endeavouring to use more of the brain. Here’s a primer:

15% Can solve newspaper word jumble without crying.

22% That Rubik’s Cube? Totally your bitch.

26% Once and for all you put that goddamn Stephen Hawking in his goddamn place.

30% Hallucinogenic drugs no longer required to comprehend plot of Lost.

35% Hallucinogenic drugs no longer required to comprehend career decisions of Nic Cage.

41% You’re playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers. Which gets you disqualified by the organizers of the checkers tournament, but screw them.

44% Invited to join secret society of the world’s most intelligent people and Matthew McConaughey, who they let in because he has a boat.

53% On cold days, you can remain in the comfort of your own home and start your car… with your mind!

61% You begin to receive unsolicited sexual come-ons from nearby Intel processors.

77% Pretty good shot of winning Wheel of Fortune.

84% Able to impress friends at dinner by reciting pi to 1,000 digits and then making the busboy’s head explode.

93% All mysteries of universe revealed; inner peace achieved; spacetime transcended. And yet for all that you still don’t have X-ray vision, so really what’s the point?

100% No longer so easily fooled into thinking it’s butter.


 

This is your brain on more intelligence

    • usta be called fingers. But then I’m old.

      • Bahaha that comment just made me spit my tea out through my nose

  1. I think we only use ten per cent of our [I] hearts [/I]

    • At 8%, you are able to use html tags correctly….oh, the shame!

      • From the 1%ers :- what’s an html tag ?

        • unitl a few seconds ago, I thought [I] and [/I]

          • Use the lower-case “i” and use the pointy brackets (to find them on your keyboard, look at the comma and period keys).

          • Test

          • Wow, it really does work. Next challenge. How do I make my words turn into links?? Pasting the URL is annoying, and proves I’m not one of the cool kids.

          • Apparently, the next challenge is turning the italics off . Hmmm.

          • To turn italics off try this:

            [/i]

            but replace the square brackets with pointy ones. The slash button ” / ” can be found where the question mark is on your keyboard.

            If you replace “i” with “b” you can turn bold on and off.

          • Replacing square brackets with pointy ones, you can also link to fun stuff with the following exact formula (esp. quotation marks):

            [a href=”http://www.yourlinkhere.ca”]Flaherty bellyflop[/a]

          • Awesome. Thanks for the tips!

            Now [a href=”http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs”]let me try.[/a]

          • Frick. Stupid mistake.

            Maybe this time?

  2. Science actually doesn’t tell us we use only 10% of our brain. It tells us we use only up to (about) 10% AT ANY ONE TIME. I’d make it blink if I knew of an html tag I could use, but the currently functioning percentage of my brain has no idea if one exists.

  3. “Science tells us we use only 10% of our brains.”

    No it doesn’t. If that “Neuroscience for Kids” page doesn’t do it for you, try this Scientific American article.

    • I am so ashamed of having misstated the facts on a blog that is clearly and exclusively devoted to rigorous scientific review.

      • I was rushing in to correct in you and then imagined the exact exchange that just transpired.

        Still, there’s a lot of pseudo-science and old wive’s tales floating around and it behooves to be rigorous at all times.

        • Comedians and science don’t mix very well. So many of them thought that 1990’s Seinfeld-esque standup material was brilliant. Stuff like:

          Comic: “You know the stuff they use to make those indestructible black boxes on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?”

          Audience: “BWAHAHAHAHA!”

          Engineers in Audience: “Because then it would be too heavy to fly, retard. That’s not funny, just stupid. Geez, I can’t believe my date is laughing at this.”

          • Demonstrating of course, why so many engineers are Conservatives…

  4. What’s 10% of nothing? Who says we’re intelligent any way? Let’s see now…we did…well that’s empirical! Maybe we should ask the whales? Oh we are, just haven’t quite figured out how to do it yet. Maybe they’ll teach us one day – if we let them? Nope we’re just tool making apes who keep one wondering what are those pretty lights up in the sky, and why are they only there at night, and can we get one…and take it apart!
    Who said: ” The surest sign that there’s intelligent life in the universe, is that they have’nt tried to contact us yet” Nice post Scott :)

    • Calvin, from Calvin and Hobbes :)