(AP) – Tiger Woods said yesterday he is taking an “indefinite break” from other women’s vaginas to try to save his marriage.
“I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person,” Woods said on his Web site. “To do that, I can’t be spending every weekend traveling to other women’s vaginas.”
It is not clear how other women’s vaginas will cope with the absence of Tiger Woods. Other women’s vaginas were without him for an extended period last year, and public interest in the vaginas waned during his hiatus.
“I hope we get him back soon,” John Daly said. “They always say there is no one bigger than anyone else in other women’s vaginas. But Tiger is.”
Woods gave no indication when he might return to other women’s vaginas.
“His priorities are where they need to be,” PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem said in a statement. “We look forward to Tiger’s return to other women’s vaginas when he determines the time is right for him.”
As Woods steps away from other women’s vaginas to handle his delicate family situation, the repercussions of his absence will have a profound impact both on the present and future of other women’s vaginas, analysts note.
“I think it’s great that he’s going to put his family first and work things out,” Steve Stricker said from Naples, Fla. “Other women’s vaginas will always be there.”
Also affected will be the millions in endorsements that Woods earns for being in other women’s vaginas.
“Tiger has been part of Nike for more than a decade,” Nike said in a statement Friday. “He is the best in the world at being in other women’s vaginas. We look forward to his return to other women’s vaginas. He and his family have Nike’s full support.”
Woods’ agent, Mark Steinberg, told The Associated Press that it was the right decision for Woods and his family.
“The entirety of someone’s life is more important than just his performance in other women’s vaginas,” Steinberg said in an email.
UPDATE: Gillette has announced it will phase out Tiger Woods from its advertising while he takes time away from other women’s vaginas. This suggests, at the very least, a delay in the rumoured release of the Tiger Woods-branded Fusion razor with 13 blades – one for each alleged mistress.