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Upcoming Rahim Jaffer revelations

Scott Feschuk goes inside the former MP’s head


 
  • In his role as an executive with Green Power Generation, he once shot a man in Texas just to watch him biodegrade.
  • Borrowed Jason Kenney’s pen – never returned it.
  • Also made improper use of Stockwell Day’s Parliamentary office, but only by having sex in it.
  • Grasped the theoretical concept of using one’s connections with officials in positions of authority to obtain preferential treatment, but evidently wasn’t any good at actually getting the preferential treatment.
  • Only lasting legacy as a member of the Conservative caucus was successful introduction and enforcement of “No Fat Chicks” rule.
  • Also used wife’s office to run a bookie operation, a prostitution ring and a nicely successful Avon franchise thank you very much.
  • That daily 3 p.m. business meeting he kept talking about? General Hospital.
  • Second runner-up, Miss Huronia Pageant, 1992.
  • Those busty hookers weren’t his – he was just keeping them for a friend.
  • For two years, there wasn’t a male Conservative in Ottawa who could take a leak in Centre Block without Rahim sidling up next to them and saying: “Close your eyes and picture our glorious green energy future!”
  • Currently sleeps in his car.

 
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Upcoming Rahim Jaffer revelations

  1. "Also used wife's office to run a bookie operation, a prostitution ring and a nicely successful Avon franchise thank you very much."

    You have confirmed a sneaking suspicion I've had of most ministers over the past decade or two. What do Ministers and MPs do all day when the bureaucracy basically runs the country now and people can't tell the difference when Parliament is in session and when it isn't.

    Idle hands are the devil's workshop and all that.

  2. You know, I was almost convinced this list was factual until I came to the completely incredible claim that Rahim ran a "nicely successful Avon franchise." (If you'd left out "successful", I would have gone for it.)

  3. Hey!

    That remark about the used car salesman who used to be VP of something or rather at his Mom's car sales business is below the belt. It's not Dean…its his metabolism.

  4. * Hired Shinan Govani as his wedding planner and Mitchel Raphael as wedding photographer

    * Cancelled the wedding when he found out National Post/ Macleans reunion was planned for open bar

  5. "Only lasting legacy as a member of the Conservative caucus was successful introduction and enforcement of “No Fat Chicks” rule."

    Deal del Mastro must have sneaked through just in time.

  6. You've just confirmed why I don't subscribe to Macleans anymore.

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