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What Women Want, According to Michael Ignatieff


 

Have you read the Globe story? Apparently, Michael Ignatieff has his Liberals trying to behave “even better” in the House of Commons in an effort to “woo women.”

You heard right, women of Canada: The leader of the Liberal party has come a-wooing! He’s just like The Bachelor except he’s older and he thinks a booty call is a ransom note from a pirate. There are 16.7 million of you ladies but he’s got only 14.2 million roses in his hand, so prepare for the Rose Ceremony (coming right up after he awaits the preliminary report of the Liberal Caucus Subcommittee on Red Flower Management and Distribution).

The article puts it this way: “Liberal MPs are, among other things, trying to be more polite during Question Period in the Commons. Women respond better to politicians who are not hurling insults, Liberals say.”

Personally, I’ve always found that women respond better to politicians who are fictional, like Jed Bartlet and the Joe Biden who has hidden depth and isn’t just a walking gaffe machine. But whatever. If saying “excuse me” after you burp the alphabet is what it takes to win power, Liberals are down with that. (Obvious exception: Judy Sgro.)

Ways that Liberal MPs are being more polite:

  • Everyone curtsies all the time. I said everyone, Dryden.
  • For first four queries each afternoon in Question Period, can only inquire of ministers how their day is going and if their family is well.
  • Henceforth required to use “inside voice” to slyly suggest that all Conservatives are intolerant homophobes.
  • Old Liberal approach: “Will the Prime Minister admit he’s the bloodless spawn of Satan himself?” New Liberal approach: “Will the Prime Minister please admit he’s the bloodless spawn of Satan himself?”
  • Liberal MPs can ask their questions only if they brought enough for the whole government.
  • Instead of doing one question followed by one supplemental, members now required to do one question followed by one hug.

 
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What Women Want, According to Michael Ignatieff

  1. Old Liberal approach: “Will the Prime Minister admit he’s the bloodless spawn of Satan himself?” New Liberal approach: “Will the Prime Minister please admit he’s the bloodless spawn of Satan himself?”

    Preferred approach: “Does the Prime Minister care to admit he’s the not very stylish and slightly overweight spawn of Satan himself?”

  2. Oh Feschuk you jest, but guess what – women hate it and they make over half the voters – but, hey just keep joking like a man who doesn’t get it.

    • OK, I’m a man, so maybe I’m just not getting it, but are you saying that mocking this “politeness offensive” (pun intended) is somehow insulting to women? Or even just that such a “strategy” should be taken remotely seriously?

      ‘Cause I rather thought that this post was Fechuk’s way of saying “this is so stupid… as though women are A) somehow monolithic, or more importantly B) so vapid as to put courtesy above policy in their choice of political leaders, or even to be remotely swayed in their choices by how “nice” said leaders appear to be… it’s ridiculous”, whereas your comment suggests that this strategy shouldn’t be mocked, and that Feschuk is just a man who “doesn’t get it” (“it”, in this case, to my mind, being that “women really are a vapid monolith who could be swayed into making political decisions based on the relative level of courtesy displayed by various political leaders, so, good plan!”) which I just can’t IMAGINE is your point.

      By all means, women are justified in hating the inanity and discourtesy of the H of C; men do too, by and large. However, I think if you suggested that politicians were going to try to “woo” male voters simply by being more polite during Question Period, someone would laugh right in your face at that notion. I see no reason why the same “strategy” being employed wrt female voters should be taken any more seriously.

  3. Does it mean Marlene Jennings will be sporting duct tape over her mouth, given her talent for heckling? What about Carolyn Bennett, who seems to have major anger management issues?

    • Women still have the passive-aggression to fall back on.

  4. Alphonse, meet Gaston …… oh,you have a budget with you !

  5. So who is this jerk? Some hanger-on from the Tory party who follows their every move in Question Period, or more likely, hangs out with them in bars and says “whadda we gonna do now Spike? Huh? Huh? Huh Spike?

    What a toady.

    Something women do like — men who think independently. That requires thinking though, so this – ahem – journalist wouldn’t get it. “

    • Is this the person you’re calling a “hanger-on from the Tory party” and “a toady”?
      From Wiki:
      “Scott Feschuk is a Canadian speechwriter, humorist and former newspaper journalist.

      His journalism career began at The Globe and Mail. After five years as a TV and political columnist for the National Post, he left the newspaper in 2004 to become chief speechwriter for then Prime Minister Paul Martin, ….
      After the Liberal defeat in the election, he formed a speechwriting company called Feschuk.Reid, along with Scott Reid, one of Prime Minister Martin’s senior advisors.”

      Or is the “toady” you’re referring to Michael Ignatieff?

  6. Something I’ll never understand about the Liberal party – their incessant need to ANNOUNCE their various strategies and tactics. I always find that odd. Just execute the bloody strategy.

  7. A weak one Feschuck, though always glad when you make it through a post without your obligatory Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan references.
    The booty call line was cringe-worthy.

    You’re better than this! Cross out the whole thing and write it again!

    • agreed.

  8. Personally, I’ve always found that women respond better to politicians who are fictional, like Jed Bartlet and the Joe Biden who has hidden depth and isn’t just a walking gaffe machine.

    Even if thoroughly in jest, this line is worthy of entire-post retraction. And, sadly, I am not convinced the line was thoroughly in jest.

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