Words that ought to be in the dictionary, ’08 edition - Macleans.ca
 

Words that ought to be in the dictionary, ’08 edition

aniston (verb) the inability to just let it go already


 

Words that ought to be in the dictionary, ’08 edition

Let’s close out the year by reflecting on the personalities and events of 2008 and compiling the Third Annual List of Words That Ought to be Added to the Dictionary:

aniston verb the inability to just let it go already: Twelve years after the championship game, Roger still anistoned that untimely fumble.

bernanke verb to appear bewildered and helpless in the face of events. syn. paulson, flaherty, federline

blagojevich noun 1. one who commits a crime with comic ineptness: That blagojevich robbed a bank without a mask—or a gun! 2. a grown man who wears a marmot upon his head.

bush verb to long achingly for someone’s departure: After finding half a pizza in the crack of our sofa, my wife began bushing about my couch-crashing best friend.

cheney noun 1. a creature, rarely seen in public, possibly mythical, believed to feed exclusively upon kitty-cats and the souls of orphans. 2. one who successfully hunts the most dangerous game of all—man!

Conservative (orig. Canadian) noun one who advocates and strictly adheres to principles of free market political orthodoxy, right up until achieving power.

dion verb 1. to refuse to abandon a failed idea even when it’s obvious that no one likes it: Beyoncé is dioning this whole Sasha Fierce thing. syn. greenshift. 2. to resign in failure and then, not long thereafter, to resign even sooner in even more failure. 3. adjective blurry, out of focus.

dow verb to decline so rapidly as to force the monocles of heretofore wealthy tycoons to pop from their eye sockets.

greenspan verb to reappraise after his departure one widely believed to be competent at his job and realize he was, in fact, not: When the auditor discovered that our financial records consisted of nothing more than doodles of a fancy yacht, a private island and bags marked with a dollar sign, we began greenspanning about our departed CFO.

harper verb to overplay one’s hand. noun the belief in some cultures that a simple blend of polyester and cotton, when spun into the shape of a vest, can confer human qualities on inert objects.

ignatieff verb 1. to have something you’ve long desired simply fall into your lap: King Arthur, while relieving himself, was ignatieffed by the Holy Grail atop the urinal. 2. to smile in a manner that suggests the very act of smiling is causing tremendous discomfort. noun 1. the world’s only known set of self-aware eyebrows.

jackman noun a genre of screenwriting wherein the plot is meticulously constructed to maximize shirt removal. syn. mcconaughey.

joe (usu. foll. by “the plumber”) noun the sound of one’s 15 minutes of fame elapsing.

jong-il verb the sudden waning of a once ominous threat: That forecast for 50 cm of snow has been jong-iled to scattered flurries.

layton noun 1. A special Man of the Year award given by the Kitchen Table Manufacturers Association. 2. A patch of facial hair above the lip in which grows delusions of grandeur.

lehman verb to disappear abruptly: Dave was sitting right here but then the waiter brought the bill and he lehmaned.

marley (usu. foll. by “and me”) noun the experience of seeing a film trailer and wanting not only to avoid the movie but also inflict harm on those responsible for making it.

may (usu. prec. by “elizabeth”) verb to be taken seriously, unexpectedly: I dropped a note in the suggestion box and now I’ve been mayed to give a presentation to the board!

mccain verb 1. to behave in a manner that betrays a sense of increasing desperation: Her acting career stalled, the buxom starlet mccained by contacting Hugh Hefner.

obama verb 1. to achieve victory despite at first appearing to have no shot at winning: I couldn’t believe it when Marisa Tomei obamaed that Oscar. 2. to display grace by hiring a former rival, even though the husband of that former rival is probably hitting on your wife right now. noun 1. the uncomfortable feeling of being deeply indebted to Oprah.

palin noun 1. a doctrine of global diplomacy based on geographic proximity. 2. a huge gamble that fails to pan out: In retrospect, trusting that habitual drug user with my PIN and house key proved to be quite the palin. verb 1. to speak words generally accepted to be part of the English language, but to make no sense while doing so. 2. to prompt an entire country to shake its head in disbelief.

subprime noun 1. not prime, well below prime, not even close to prime, extremely not prime, completely and totally prime-free. 2. not our fault, bankers say.


 

Words that ought to be in the dictionary, ’08 edition

  1. Coyne (verb) – to suffer an incapacitating head explosion after learning that a government intends to apply the principals of Keynesian economics to its fiscal policy. “Man, that dude totally Coyned when we told him the Government wants to give the auto-industry 25 billion dollars.”

  2. strombopolous (verb) – To try much too hard in creating a forced persona: “I wish Jenny would stop trying to strombopolous all the time and just be herself.”

    • I thought that I was the only one!

  3. Frick. “principles…” not “principals.”

  4. avery. (adjective) – describing behaviour that is paradoxically deliberate, yet socially suicidal at the same time: “The wedding reception was overshadowed by the best man’s avery speech, during which he proudly stated he had slept with the bride the night before.” (in colloquial use, can also refer to the utterances of the sub-culture of men who idolize the feature film, Porky’s)

    bernier. (verb). – to take leave of one’s senses in the presence of a buxom woman. “Even though she was massively unqualified for the job, the manager berniered and hired her on the spot.”

  5. I don’t know who that “Stokhom” guy is above, but he’s funny.

  6. Harper (verb) – To lie.

    ’nuff said.

    • Let me clear here.:” I didnot say anything about Elizabeth May being in the debates and I didnot say that Stephan Stephan Dion is not a leader “,he harped.

  7. Stockholm syndrome (revised) – laughing at your own jokes

  8. Obama – The ability to convince others that you are entirely different than your colleagues while, in actual fact, you are very similar. 2 The ability to bamboozle people with vacuous expressions like “change we can believe in” or “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for”

    Sean Stokholm I think you ‘bernier’ definition needs to be tightened up a bit because, as it is written now, it applies to every hetero male past the age of puberty.

  9. lizziemay (n): A speculation based on unmerited performance. “An Oscar for best actress? Paris Hilton? What kinda doofus came up with that lizziemay?”

    cherniak (n): A consistent display of partisanship so extreme that its very nature robs it of relevance.

    “Iggy Pops” (n.c.): Quotations from the leader of the federal Liberal Party, reproduced as a demonstration of his negative aspects. See also Bushisms.

  10. feschuk verb to create humour with food, effortlessly: Joe was eating Christmas dinner when he feschuk his turkey, and everyone shot milk out of their noses.

  11. endeeper-verb, to go deeper into debt with no down payment, noun-person who borrows without collateral, abbreviation- NDP, AKA ‘sub-prime’

  12. jolie, verb: to commit an immoral act whilst looking like a do-gooder: Brad jolied the candy from the baby by saying that candy is bad for babies.

  13. separatist. (noun.). – Idiosyncratic translation/synonym for sovereingist (Fr./Eng.), used primarily by eilite members of the Conservatie tribe. (see also: traitor).

  14. sigh… “elite”, “conservative”. need more coffee….

  15. sighier…. “sovereignist”. I quit.

  16. Ablonczy – (verb) to be completely ignored even though you are the smartest person around. As in “I was completely ablonczy’d-that stupid boss ignored me again and gave me another shitty cabinet post”

    Duceppe-(noun) -To be just like a person who pretents to care but everybody knows you can’t give a rat’s ass for your country… “I was talking to him about my serious problem and he was just a Duceppe.”

  17. feschuk- (verb)-to still lie about all the beer you consumed at the Ceeps many years after graduation.. as in -‘That Ron White, the loser still feschuks on us with every homecoming story he tells.’

  18. Prorogue: verb 1. To avoid that which is exciting to others. Sally claimed a headache and prorogued the threesome. 2. To give constitutional blue balls to academics. The talk of coalition resulted in nothing but proroguing C.E.S Franks. 3. To eliminate a reason to liveblog an event. Kady no longer wanted to liveblog the cat fashion show when the headlining tabby, Lord John Marbury, prorogued his Jim Prentice outfit.

    • Rogue: to remove diseased or abnormal specimens from a mostly normal group of plants. (http://www.answers.com/rogue)

      Pro-rogue: kick the bastards out. All of them!!

  19. Prorogue: verb 1. To avoid that which is exciting to others. Sally claimed a headache and prorogued the threesome. 2. To give constitutional blue balls to academics. The talk of coalition resulted in nothing but proroguing C.E.S Franks. 3. To eliminate a reason to liveblog an event. Kady no longer wanted to liveblog the cat fashion show when the headlining tabby, Lord John Marbury, prorogued his Jim Prentice outfit.

  20. Palin – (verb) to indiscriminately utter words or phrases without apparent coherence, order, composition or understanding in a manner that depicts neither, saneness, rational nor reasoning 2. To appear perplexed at the mere audacity of a question in the instance that it illicit any response other than that which has been pre-programmed 3. To assume subterfuge at all times when asked a question by that
    there ‘Gotcha’ media. 4. To have a strong belief in precipitous unions, only to be superseded by the harmonious joining of adolescents and related individuals. 5. To presuppose that foreign policy is depicted by two factors; locale of your gated community and the precision of prescription in your ‘Tina Fey’ eyewear. 6. To utter the heterogeneous phrase ‘Maverick’ whenever possible, yet avoiding the topic when confronted by either James Garner or Mel Gibson 7. Your vernacular does not necessitate the usage of the letter ‘r’ or ‘g’ in post fixing your verbiage. 8. To believe in the fact that the mass populous, for the most part, can be addressed by the singular given name ‘Joe’, including the female citizenry as you recollect the “Facts of Life’

    “Upon the consumption of a multitude of cold libations at the local nightspot, I Palin’d myself in my attempt to lure a member of the opposite sex to my humble abode.”

  21. green shift. (noun) a rapid and profound loss of value, popularity or utility. “I was hoping to retire next year, but my entire stock portfolio took a hell of a green shift last month.”

  22. cruise: verb. The unending need to convince others that you really are playing with a full deck. After yet another blunder caught on tape, Joe tried to crusie anyone who would listen.

  23. stelmach-(verb)-to bore the living he** out everybody in the room so much that they all took an afternoon nap when you were at the mike. “I tried hard to listen to him as he was tallking but I still stelmached.”

    ‘klein-(noun) to be so bored with the idiots in Ottawa than your dreams at nite revolve around Prime Minister Ralph. “I really try to understood those guys in Ottawa but I ‘still have a klein’ every nite.

    • Actually, Klien is a verb meaning to throw drunken hissy-fits.

      • I saw the man in the flesh on Friday. The vanity plate on his PT Cruiser reads: ABTHNXU.

        Well on second thought it was either him or ALF.

  24. Feschuk (noun) an extremely popular nonsense competition that awards jackpots, typically worth one or two digits, each Wednesday. “Feschuk has permeated Canadian society and culture to a significant degree”.

  25. iggy, adj. from ME ighiye, OF ingiz (var. ignez), LL ignabilis, funny-looking.
    1.a. inevitable yet somehow undesirable; fated.
    The iggy morn hath come, purloining hope Shak.; The hour was iggy Milt.
    1.b. spruced, lacquered. His deandrof was ygone, his brows yghiy Chauc.

    whence
    2. noun, abstr. Luck, destiny. Calamity. Iggy come, iggy go Dryd.

  26. couillard (noun): a term used by card players to denote a winning pair.

    • oh that is funny, you have my vote

      • I’ll second that!

    • Touche (not touch) !

    • my vote too!

  27. Separatist (noun): word used by a governing minority government in a last desperate attempt at remaining in power.

    • I’ll second that.

  28. Rae-verb 1. To do something for the greater good, only to have it totally backfire on all your hopes and dreams. I donated to the Salavation Army, but it totally Raed when it showed up on my joint bank statement as money spent on prostitution

  29. Gregoire, omg, I beg of you: either stop drinking wine or stop posting …

  30. Coalition: A group of 3 (or 4) useless idiots, who think they can un-democratically seize control of a country, while another useless idiot is asleep at the switch. (See Canadian)

    Canadian: A person who is a citizen of a country without a working government (for that last 6 years), although it costs more in taxes than if there was a working gorvernment. (See American)

    American: Often used as a synomym of Canadian.

    MP (Canada): A person who is paid immense sums of money not to work for 7 months of the year. For the remaining 5 months, the person actually attempts to work, but is paid during that time to under-achieve.

    North American Auto Industry: A mythical thing which has not existed since the late 1970’s. None the less, it costs taxpayers a fortune in tax and other credits, and annually, at that.

    Scott Feschuck: A Canadian Ego, larger than William Shathner’s and Simon Cowell’s combined.

  31. Ghomeshi (noun); an irriating sound that won’t go away. Sue had a ghomeshi in her car ever since the nmechanic left loose parts in the motor.

    • Oh, Giam is my favorite and that Q, well, it’s awesome. Did you hear the one with Bob Einstein?

  32. Believe it or not, we have added this a long time ago:

    Rogers (v) – to be screwed by a large corporation. Eg. I’ve been rogersed again.

  33. Believe it or not, we have added this to our vocabulary a long time ago:

    Rogers (v) – to be screwed by a large corporation. Eg. I’ve been rogersed again by my bank.

  34. Your article sucks. Not funny. Get your facts straight. Pick on people that actually screwed the world up. All Americans.

  35. Greg, that’s a bit nasty, that last statement: “Pick on people that actually screwed the world up. All Americans.”

    Fact is, you don’t know most Americans. But if you did, you’d see that most Americans are decent people, just like not all Canadians are not self-obsessed grudge-nursers (see Alberta and Quebec).

    Oh, also, I understand how American-bashing requires no thought or creativity, so people usually go for it (see Rick Mercer and t he CBC) but taking the easy path betrays a certain amount of ignorance, even in people who are so convinced they are worldly and enlightened.

    For the record, I am Canadian. And I don’t have to bash American’s to feel good about being Canadian.

    • As an American, I say thank you!

    • The truly funny thing about Canadian Anti-americanism is that, since it requires so little thought, it is in essence no different than the bigotry of the uneducated in the southern U.S. Y’know, those that don’t like stuff because it’s not them.

      So, here are these navel-gazing, self-assured Canadians, feeling superior for no other reason that they have adopted a very familiar chauvinistic bigotry. This is not to let the American Government off the hook for engaging in adventurous homicidal rampages for the benefit of various industries they’re in bed with. You want to fight terrorists, you blind idiots, attack Saudi Arabia and Pakistan. Is that some kind of revelation to you?

  36. Dion -(verb) ; Any idea that taxpayers reject but Liberal politicians continue to support. ex; Let’s for a coalition so we can “dion” equal rights in Quebec.

    Infotainment- (Noun) ; discription of what passes for journalism in the various media those days.
    Ex; Instead of reporting on the facts of the Liberal EI scandle it was given the importance of ‘infotainment’ on the evening news.

    Hypocrite- (Noun) ; Discription of a politician who mouth is on auto answer. ex; Alo/anglophones in Quebec saw Charest as a hypocrite for making the remark “I will work for all Quebecers” before he has had a chance to even form a new cabinet.

  37. spezza – verb/noun/adjective/adverb/adnoun/adadjective – def. – to misfire every shot inexplicably despite having the proper gear, talent, etc. e.g. – “The Missus got me some Cialis, but I’m still spezza.”

    • Jason has been in the top ten in scoring on a points per game basis for the past two years. That’s pretty good in my books – something not even Cialis could guarantee.

  38. Guergis (v): To rise far above your evident competencies based on your ability to read prepared scripts and set aside previously-stated principles. i.e. “I totally guergised my way into that job.”

  39. Feschuk (v):

    To find and keep a job (despite the lack of any talent or credentials) because you coincidentally share a surname with somebody capable. eg “I was going to be cut from the team, but because my name is Dwayne Gretzky, I Feschuked a spot”. See also Feschuk, Dave.

  40. Feschuk — Abrupt utterance of humour to justify guilt.

  41. tarsanding: (v)…to find the pearl among mountains of filth.

    “It took some tarsanding, but that fat chick has a good personality”

  42. I support “gomeshi”, “avery” and of course “couillard” as new additions.

    Radio2 noun 1. to leave something in much worse shape than it was in before 2. to damage a national treasure for no apparent reason: When that crazy geologist guy took a hammer to Michelangelo’s Pieta he really did a Radio2 on it.

    Duffy noun 1. an inconcievable event takes place where money changes hands 2. to sell ones soul for 134,000 per year: Louis Vuitton getting Keith Richards to appear in advertising for their hand bags was certainly a duffy.

  43. duffy (noun). A culinary specialty of PEI. The stomach of a sheep is first extracted and blown up with hot air, then left to moulder for half a dozen years until it becomes the subject of village ridicule. It is then heavily coated in lard and baked in the Upper Part of the oven until it dissolves in its own bitter juices.

  44. Duffy: verb: meaning to move from a position with low profile to one with high profile.
    Wallin: verb: meaning: to network. She found herself wallin with several Conservatives at a recent meeting for members of the media sympathetic to a challenged government.

  45. Harper [verb] 1. to always insist on having one’s own way ; 2. inability to delegate due to the belief that you are the only person who can handle any job no matter how menial ; 3. inability to participate in anything without the assurance of winning [otherwise, the event is canceled] ; When it appeared as if the other boys would overtake little Stevie, the principal was pressured to harper the race.

  46. Ritchie [verb] to maximize return on investment. After a few short years of minor inconvenience, e.g. cuddling up to a piece of gristle, Guy ritchied the situation.

  47. Feschuk – you have outdone yourself with this year’s list. I laughed so hard I think I might have hurt myself. Keep up the good work.

  48. As much as I enjoy defying conventional wisdom, and as much as my grandma enjoys all the entries making fun of me, I’m going to declare MJ Patchouli the winner for both breast- and hilarity-based reasons.

    MJ: send me at email at sfeschuk@sympatico.ca and I’ll dispatch your prize via the spellbinding power of “the internets.”

    Sincere thanks to all who entered — several definitions are disarmingly better than the ones I produced.

    The best of the Christmas season to everyone!

    • ha ha it wuz hilarious. i have to come to this website more often. = )

  49. Dear Scott,

    I feel compelled to inform you that many of these words were already defined by yours truly. For Example:

    Obama (vb.) – To disarm one’s enemies by implicitly breaking the taboos that gave them their power.

    Dion (adj.) – inexplicably awesome despite the circumstances.

    Greenspan (vb.) – Scott, you say that to Palin is to do what has already been defined as to Greenspan, i.e. “to speak words generally accepted to be part of the English language, but to make no sense while doing so.”

    and,

    Harper (n.) – A psychological condition that renders one incapable of accepting personal responsibility for anything, while having the paradoxical trait of believing that nothing is done right unless it is done by oneself.

    Thanks Scott, your others are spot on.

    ~K

  50. How about this one that seems to have been overlooked.
    Rae (noun) 1. The vain hope that, having once proven themselves inept at fiscal responsibility at one level, people will forgive, forget, or (preferably) both when asking for their blessing to do it all over again, only to a whole country. (My unemployed brother-in-law felt quite rae when he applied for the car loan, but the loan officer knew he was a deadbeat.)
    2. (verb) To strive for high public office after having demonstrated an unfortunate lack of economic understanding at the provincial level; then suddenly making an about turn and deferring to a rival who apparently knows even less about economics at any level.

    And this one:

    Feschuk (verb) To use thoughtful humour and clever irony to show up people for what they are.
    (Boy, did he feschuk the Prime Minister, or what?)

  51. Period: used at the end of a statement to explicitly highlight the fact that you are lying. ‘I will never have a coalition with them, period.’

  52. hannah montanna- 1. the ability to include the least number of words in a song and still make it sound pointless and ADD. 2. to make listening to music ( country pop) about as uncomfortable as possible. 3. to ryme a state with a name and make everyone regret it.

    now remember this is just an opinion so don’t take it personally.

    p.s my spelling probably sucks.

  53. oh and if you think hannah montanna is as stupid as i do, please comment and add more. = )

  54. RE: “aniston” as an addition to the dictionary: Leave her alone, already. You deal with having your husband leave you for another woman – period. Then try and deal with it when it’s splashed all over the press, day in and day out, for years afterward, and we’ll see just how able you are to let it go.