your friday morning caption contest


What is happening in this photograph?

a) Responding to soaring gas prices, Cadillac introduces its more fuel-efficient SUV.

b) In a desperate effort to remain in the public eye, Britney Spears undergoes surgery to make herself 30 feet tall.

c) That bottle of water? Jam-packed with gamma radiation.

d) Just trying to catch the eye of some hot dude on a tricycle.

Actual answer: Britney Spears sits in her child’s toy car during a play date.

Better answer: Maybe you have one? Leave your caption ideas in the comments below. The winner (to be judged by a panel of me) will receive Something From My House. Will it be my stapler? A paperclip? My other stapler? Think of it as the New Yorker caption contest but with a much higher likelihood of someone mentioning the word “thong.”


your friday morning caption contest

  1. “The salesman sold me this for a song. It uses no gas, seats one, and is the cheapest small car on the market!”

  2. Britney Spears sits quietly as paramedics tend to the driver of the Big Wheel she just rear-ended.

  3. Photographic evidence of Brittany’s dramatic weight gain…

  4. Someone just leaked the prototype of the car soon to be produced by the GM Plant

  5. I’ve got to get out of the vehicle…the press is watching…and I forgot to wear thong (again)!

  6. Britney misunderstood when her doctors told her to cut back on drinking and driving.

  7. You don’t want to know where Paris is sitting in the Escalade… wait a minute, maybe we do…

    Nice mags.

  8. Scott is brilliant.. not only does he generate traffic to the site, he can take some time off while his readers supply the funny and at the same time get rid of some crap cluttering up his house!

    Man, I wish I’d thought of it first.

  9. In a horrendously misguided attempt to regain the respect of her fans, Britney Spears purchases Michael Jackson’s Neverland ranch and chooses Bubble’s car to lead the parade down Main Street.

  10. In another brilliant cross-over marketing move, the makers of Glad garbage bags, Cadillac SUVs, and the agent of Britney Spears come together to bring you a miracle in modern vehicle design:

    130% SMALLER AND

  11. While portable toilets on wheels may not offer much in the terms of privacy, they more than make up for it by generating power from real life methane.

  12. Note the disheartened look on the new car owner’s face when she hears that just driving the new Escalade off the lot decreases it’s value by a full 25%. By her own optimistic calculations, however, it’s still worth 85% of the sticker price.

  13. Proving that she’s really fallen on hard times, Britney Spears has been forced to accept gigs like this one, as the Grand Marshall of Los Angeles’ annual “Rode Hard and Put Away Wet” Parade.

  14. White Trash Barbie

  15. On a random note,
    Does anyone, or perhaps Mr.Feschuk himself, have a copy of the review he wrote for Britney Spears’ Crossroads?
    It was published in the National Post and I know this must sound crazy but it was brilliant. I had clipped it out and kept it for years and somehow, it disappeared.
    It was a classic piece.

  16. Disappointed Paparazzi shuffles away, throwing his camera into his pack and murmuring she’s wearing panties damn it!

  17. I vote Dennis Van Staalduinen for winner of the caption contest. HILarious.

  18. Actually, I liked Maestro’s comment. Simple, succint, straight to the point… and oh so accurate.

  19. Dateline, Burlington ON, July 8, 2011. Bride Shelley Franklin is seen leaving her ground-breaking wedding Saturday. Last week, the Supreme Court, following prior rulings legalizing same-sex and polygamous marriages, ruled that single people deserved their Charter right of being able to self-define as married persons. Ms./Mrs. Franklin is the first reported unmarried married person to so register. Ms./Mrs. Franklin said she was “not amused” when the limousine company, owned by a devout Christian who cannot legally refuse to serve customers based on his own religious beliefs, nonetheless made quite a political commentary, when it supplied a Cadillac Escalade For One for the occasion. It is rumoured that the happy non-couple will be honeymooning in Hamilton for the rest of the weekend.

  20. I take it back, madeyoulook just took the prize.

  21. Brittany, as a result of losing her license, still has wheels to look for her lost thong!!!

  22. Normally in showdowns of this nature, i can be relied upon to lean instinctively toward any entry of a flatulence-based nature. So i have to admit an early fondness for Granton’s “menthane” entry. The lesson, as always: farts are funny.

    The same goes for references, no matter how oblique, to masturbation. Take a bow, madeyoulook. By the way, setting the masturbation in Hamilton immediately made it 30% funnier. This cannot be disputed. It is comedy math.

    But if i’m going to be honest with myself, the one entry — among several quality entries — that made me laugh the longest was Maestro’s simple and clever “White Trash Barbie.” Well done, Maestro.

    Send me your address – there’s an email link at the top of the post – and I’ll send you something from my house. How are you for pepper shakers?

  23. testing out props for her next music video… I mean, if they can photoshop her enough to make her fit into her jeans, then they’ve got to be able to make her fit into a mini SUV, right!?!

  24. Fred Flinstone sold his foot powered car to britt, who snazzed it up a little, added an energy efficient solar powered engine (because she just can’t afford gas), and off she goes at an amazing 0.005 km/h (making sure to keep her wig on her deranged head) waving at all the sexy hunks walking down the street who are staring at her in disgust.

  25. DATELINE June 2008 The CBC:

    Britney Spears fully endorses Al Gore’s new energy policy.

    Al’s campaing promise: An energy efficient SUV in every garage, and a chicken you can smoke pot with.

    Scott Feschuck has already hereby announced his vote for Al…

    (Armed with this and a kazoo, Scott will be performing his new theme song for Hockey Night in Canada…)

  26. Much like her life for the past 2 years or so, a Britney Spears look alike once again tries to discredit and dishonor the lovely and devout non-crazy britney, who was actually at home studying the bible when this photo was taken.

  27. Flatulence and self-gratification, good. Mockery of non-enforcement of laws against certain classes of individuals, and mockery of the post-modern condemnation of the male of the species, bad. Got it. Thanks.

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