Your queries answered, your dreams fulfilled - Macleans.ca
 

Your queries answered, your dreams fulfilled


 

Let’s get the mailbag back in working order. Submit your questions below and I’ll post some answers on Wednesday after the long weekend.

P.S. Long weekend!


 
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Your queries answered, your dreams fulfilled

  1. I read an editorial in the Toronto Sun proposing that, given their vast presence throughout Canada, Tim Hortons outlets be used as polling stations in the next election. I'm worried closet, elitist tea drinkers like myself will be intimidated by all those lumberjacket wearing, Bubba-mug swilling hockey dads and be afraid to vote.
    I'm beginning to think this might be the latest chess move in Stephen Harper's quest for a Conservative majority. Still, I'm afraid to speak out against the idea lest I be branded an unCanadian, Taliban loving, socialist.
    I've got young kids to think of. What should I do?

    • " …. I'm worried closet, elitist tea drinkers …. "

      This comment cracked my up danby because I, too, am a tea drinker and I feel your pain. My solution has been to order tea only at drive through window and shame of being tea drinker is concealed. :)

      • I only drink it at home and at safe houses. Tim Hortons? They can sense I'm not one of them in there – like dark alleys, I just avoid them…..

        • I had a clandestine meeting at a Tim's once.

    • Clearly, you hate the troops.

    • My problem is the opposite of yours: I frequent Starbucks and despise Tim Ho's, despite hating all things hemp-related, enjoying random applications of police power (except to enforce the census!) and having the urge to yell "DRILL BABY DRILL" in situations outside the bedroom. I'm willing to return to my brethren for the sole purpose of casting my vote for freedom, but I get a sense that they can smell my Italian-roasted smugness, while the Starbucks staff seem to go out of their way to make me feel at ease that I've betrayed my kind in exchange for superior caffeination.

      And on that note: Feschuk, does that cute barista have a thing for me, or is she just being friendly? She did compliment my hair once, but that was a while back.

  2. "The scorching heatwave in early July caused road accidents to soar because male drivers were distracted by womens' skimpy outfits, according to insurance claim figures. The latest statistics show that 29 per cent of men admitted being distracted by short skirts and low-cut tops in the Summer weather, leading to record numbers of accidents on the roads." Daily Telegraph, July 30

    Feschuk: My question is, the 71% UK males who claim they are not distracted by female beauty, are they liars or gay?

    And I hope you are having a good summer so far, Feschuk. Nice to have you back.

    • Sorry, I lost concentration on your post after "skimpy outfits"…

    • In light of this Daily Telegraph article, should we not be considering making burqa's mandatory in the name of public safety rather than considering to ban them for that same reason?

      • same thought crossed my mind

    • Those 71% have probably already lost their licenses.

  3. Since participation in this mailbag is self-selecting (it being voluntary vice mandatory), it cannot accurately reflect the true wonderment of the Canadian citizenry. Are you weighting your responses to take this into account, and if so, how?

  4. Is there evidence from anywhere or any time that by wearing funny hats and dancing uncomfortably in public, political leaders have been able to get youth (or anyone) to vote for them?

  5. Scarier: Michael Ignatieff dancing or the Daddy long legs video Macleans posted this week?

  6. This weekend, hundreds of thousands of Canadians will inevitably get stuck in traffic behind that tractor-trailer that jacknifes on the highway or those two minivans that just couldn't share the road.

    To get us through those frustrating jams, what sort of driving-appropriate tunes would you recommend?

    • I'm guessing the sounds of silence, as he states above that he won't be answering until after the long weekend ;)

      • Oops. Yeah, I clearly have excellent reading comprehension skills.

  7. Is it true that Maclean' s Ottawa bureau chief likes to be referred to as "Big Daddy G" by Wells and Wherry?

    #mustybookers

  8. Two questions:

    1st. Why does Andrew Wherry's column photo look like he just came back from a "Cannabis Culture" event from Parliament Hill?

    2nd. What specialty store does Paul Wells visit when he needs to buy a hat? Big and Tall….or Short and Fat?

    • Andrew who? There are a lot of Andrews at MacLeans, but he's not one of them.

    • JamesHalifax – you are such a charmer – is this a disease of Halifax folks?

      • Actually, I'm a Peterborough lad.

        Must have been lead or mercury in the water eh?

        • Oh, that explains it – Del Mastro country. Poor you. Remember you mustn't talk about Deano's weight problems – or else.

          I live in Northumberland.

          • I lived there for a while.

            Went to ENSS High School

  9. I've heard the PMO won't let helena back in the party because Dimitri is jealous of all the attention she gets? True?

    DS+SH
    4ever/2gether

  10. Is the rumour true that since Iggy got down and boogied – Harper has hired a private dance instructor to take on the road with him?

    • You didn't hear it from me but you may want to book your tickets now for the National Ballet of Canada's performance of Cinderalla this November.

  11. McC noted:

    "Andrew who? There are a lot of Andrews at MacLeans, but he's not one of hem. "

    My bad…….it should have been Aaron of course.

    • apology accepted.

      I finally gave in and registered for an Intensedebate account just so that I could edit my typos

    • Those Liberal shills all look alike.

  12. Scott,
    Earlier this week you were called a Liberal ass kisser. Now, while we all know your evil twin's previous life writing a speech or two, but I had to go back and check how you've covered the Liberals of late. After reading it, I came to a startling conclusion. It's clear my entire life I have thought ass-kisser meant one thing, but its clear from this fellow's post that my definition is wrong. So, in sum, what is the proper definition of ass-kisser?

  13. Rob Anders, it seems, has taken over the "Busty Hookers" meme. What does he really know and who's getting the shimmy on the Hill.

  14. Double rainbow. What does it mean?

  15. Rob Anders is an idiot.

    • Well, he's under the Harper protection plan. Why is that?

      • Because he's an idiot with a large margin of support in that riding.

        I put him in with the likes of:
        Joe Volpe
        Marlene Jennings
        Martin Cauchon (when he was sitting)
        Hedy Fry
        Denis Coderre…..

        All, thoroughly dishonest, spiteful people who should have no business deciding anything for the rest of us, but sitting nonetheless because of the Party to which they belong.

        Sad fact really.

        • Well, Harper's got a soft spot for him, obviously. He seems to like them dumb. They're usually easier to control.

  16. Scott, I have a friend who wants to start participating in on-line discussions, but can't decide on a good pseudonym to use. Any advice on that front? Or minimally what's good to avoid, and why?

  17. How is Stephen Harper spending his vacation time in Harrington Lake?

  18. Kindly ask and print all the questions that will be in the future long census form(not the past)?

  19. In light of the newly discovered public interest in statistical accuracy, I ask: Scott, what's your standard deviation?

  20. Have you ever ridden a Liberal tour bus, and if so, what's the worst smell that ever came out of the bathroom at the back?

    • Worst smell? Come on.

      Wrong question. My guess is "worst sound coming out" might have got you a better response, and resulted in divorces, paternity suits, and Jerry Springer episodes.

      Maybe next week.

      • If it's a LIBERAL bus……..the smell should be clear.

        Tainted Pork, awaiting a shot at Government so that it may be renewed pork.

  21. My wife insisted we go out, so we went to see Inception. This fest of sound, effects, and a Maritime actress with a David Lee Roth hairline has made $142,000,000 in US theatres. Scott, with your Hollywood experience, you should be able to tell me if all Tinseltown screenwriters are on dope or whatnot. Or just some of them? Or should I get a new wife?

  22. I've been inundated with advertising for a new movie, the name of which escapes me, which features such tough guys as Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Jet Li, Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren and a bunch of other really, really mean looking dudes.

    My question – where's Andrew Coyne on these posters? Did his agent hold out? What gives?

  23. Once the census uproar dies down and the Conservatives begin a rise (as they periodically do) to the high-30's, what bonehead move will the Prime Minister pull to ensure his support slides back down again?

  24. Kory has taken the Sun chain in a new…direction. Will this render humour columnists like yourself useless as the Sun will now fill this role with it's…reporting?

  25. Ok, heres' another question for your Scott.

    Please tell me why the money we pay (thorugh the UN) is going to pay for Palestinian garbage trucks as found at the link?
    http://maggiesfarm.anotherdotcom.com/archives/150

    • Shouldn't you direct that question to a Harper-Conservative arse-kisser? I thought you'd written Feschuk off as a hopeless Liberal.

  26. "…and I'll post some answers on Wednesday after the long weekend…"

    Was that changed from Tuesday? Or am I losing my already tenuous grip on reality?

    • When Monday is a holiday Tuesday becomes Wednesday. I re-learn this fact every long weekend when I am the only person on my street who puts the garbage out.

      • I mean Wednesday is really Tuesday. My brain is still recovering from a weekend at the cottage.

        • Don't recover too fast – gotta keep that relaxed vibe for as long as you can!

          I meant Feschuk originally had text stating this mailbag would be answered on Tuesday, which was edited to read Wednesday at some point. I only care for reasons of assessing my own recall, not about the timing of the elusive one's offerings.

          • It did indeed say Tuesday initially. Provided you want to bank on my own memory and sanity to satisfy yours of course.

          • Thanks. I don't mind being delusional if there's company.

          • Yes, it definately said Tuesday to begin with, and it also said "PS. Long weekend!" right from the beginning, so I was initially intrigued that he was planning on spending his whole long weekend thinking up funny stuff to make his Tuesday deadline. I thought to myself, "Jeez, I wish I was Dave and could hang out with my Dad for three days yukkin' it up".

          • I thought Dave had moved out on his own.

          • I think he just moved down to the basement … took the hi-fi with him.

    • Ha! Some of those are truly glorious.

      I must point out, though, that the first one in the list for your name is "Increasing Rot" and the list also includes such eyebrow-raisers as "Re Groin Antics".

      • Heh. "Increasing Rot" is a good description of my commenting output, but I like "Ignorant Cries" even better. ;-)