Beyoncé vs. Etta James
First Beyoncé played R & B legend James in the movie Cadillac Records, and then she sang James’s hit At Last at Barack Obama’s first inaugural ball. James declared that Beyoncé would “get her ass whipped” for singing her song, and Beyoncé defied the threat by singing the exact same song at the Oscars. James has said her comments were just an example of her “comedian kind of attitude,” but now she may have to add, to quote the title of her Grammy-winning album, Let’s Roll.
Winnipeg vs. Ottawa
In what wordplay lovers everywhere called a “cold war,” the two cities spent the winter fighting over who had the longest frozen skating rink: while Ottawa’s Rideau Canal used to hold the official record, Winnipeg got the Guinness World Record book to confirm that its frozen river trail was longer.
Shepard Fairey vs. AP
Last year, Fairey picked up an Associated Press photo of Barack Obama and turned it into the “hope” poster, the most famous image of the presidential race. This year, AP struck back, claiming Fairey violated copyright by just adding some red and blue to it. If the news service wins, it will make it virtually impossible to base a work of art on an existing photograph. And if Fairey wins, might he face a lawsuit from Obama for violating his copyright on the concept of “hope”?
Lily Allen vs. Perez Hilton
Twitter used to be such a peaceful place, and then these two showed up. The pop singer and the gossip blogger took their long-standing feud to the popular text-message website, where Allen posted such one-liners as, “God, you’re like so obsessed with me” and called Hilton a “lonely, bitter old queen.” At least this is healthier than what would happen if these two met in person.
Canada Geese vs. ‘Sully’ Sullenberger
After the super-heroic pilot managed to land his plane safely in the Hudson River, experts examined the jetliner and found the remains of Canada geese, suggesting that a swarm of Canadian birds might have been responsible for the crash. It gives new meaning to the term “downed plane.”
Stephen King vs. Twilight series
The prolific horror writer doesn’t appreciate the non-violent, un-horrific vampires of Stephenie Meyer’s bestselling Twilight series. King declared that Meyer “can’t write worth a darn” and compared her to another popular but bad writer, Earle Stanley Gardner, of Perry Mason fame. Meyer’s legions of teenage-girl fans were furious and posted angry comments. Nobody seemed to care that the comparison was unfair to Perry Mason.
Hilary Duff vs. Faye Dunaway
When the former Disney Channel star got cast in the remake of Bonnie and Clyde, Dunaway, who starred in the 1967 classic, remarked: “Couldn’t they have cast a real actress?” Duff replied that most of her fans don’t know who Dunaway is and added, “I might be mad if I looked like that now, too.” The only way for Dunaway to get her revenge would be to star in a remake of Lizzie McGuire. But Duff had better watch out: anyone who’s seen Mommie Dearest knows that Dunaway usually gets her revenge on younger, brattier women.
Steve Coogan vs. Courtney Love
The British comic and former Love lover was asked about the affair on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson. He put two fingers in his mouth and replied: “If I had a gun right now I would put it in my mouth,” a reference to the suicide of Love’s husband, Nirvana star Kurt Cobain. Now Coogan is in trouble with angry Nirvana fans who don’t like him making light of their hero’s death. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.