It’s not hard to be a newsmaker these days. All you need to do is kill someone, get out of a car with your legs stretched as far as they can go, or disappear to see your mistress and say you were hiking the Appalachian trail. Ultimately, all you really need is a fast getaway car.
Today’s breaking news included reports that a plane and a helicopter has collided over the Hudson River, and there was no Sully Sullenberger in sight. That may have been the most popular story at the time, but even more pressing information cracked the top ten.
Channing Tatum, star of the unbelievably terrible movie Step Up, and his wife who I don’t care about enough to Google got matching tattoos following their honeymoon – a story which was CNN.com’s sixth most popular story. And for good reason, because I’m really interested in what they’re up to.
“We wanted to do something symbolic,” said Tatum. He and his wife got matching tattoos that say “side by side” in Balinese.
Stating “side by side,” no matter the language, isn’t really symbolic. Getting a tattoo of the word idiot twice – side by side – would be more effective, perhaps. A metaphorical representation of you and your wife.
But I can split hairs all day long. The point is that I need to thank CNN for this enlightening piece of intrepid journalism. Even more, I need to thank the fine people that read CNN.com and made this story the 6th most popular story. Sure, there’s a lot more going on: the first Hispanic to serve on the Supreme Court got sworn in, British and French embassy workers are on trial for protests in Iran and hell, there’s even a story on how your dog is smarter than your toddler but no no, Channing Tatum is much more important.
CNN may not actually be “the most trusted name in news,” but they certainly are the most depressing.