On Campus

Even university doesn’t earn me cool points

But being older and taller should.

I’ve realized something this summer. My younger brother David is cooler than me. Way cooler.

Actually, it’s not even a matter of David being cooler than me. He’s cool. I’m not.

David’s on his school’s wrestling team. When he throws a football, it travels more than four feet. When he kicks a soccer ball, he can control which direction it goes.

Back in high school, I was in the chess club. And part of Envirothon.

David has dozens of friends on Facebook. I have two. And one of them is David.

David’s coolness has also made me realize something fascinating: certain laws of physics don’t apply to cool people. If I wear a hat for more than 30 seconds, when I take it off, my hair looks like a dead squirrel. When David takes a hat off, it’s like he was never wearing one. His hair instantly springs back to vibrant and shiny life.

I’m the older brother. He’s in grade eight, I’m in university. I’m taller. But none of that seems to matter. His coolness is a direct violation of Sibling Hierarchy Rule #467. Which states that older, taller brothers are automatically cooler. It’s practically my birthright to be cooler than David.

But I’m not.

Last November, I tripped over a wet pile of leaves and broke my arm. When David broke his arm a few weeks ago, it was while playing soccer.

Yeah, even the way he breaks his bones is cooler.

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