On Campus

Fist fights in school just aren’t cricket

When everybody suddenly jumped to their feet during a presentation in my school cafeteria, I figured there must be a big, icky, crunchy insect skittering around on the floor. And in a group of over 1,800 students, there’s always at least one insect serial killer that’s more than willing to crush the life out of a bug. But not a single killer rose to the occasion. That’s when I realized what was going on: two students were pounding the crap out of each other. Yes, a fist fight. Between two girls.

Within 0.3 seconds- faster than the time between a sneeze and someone claiming that, if hold your nose and exhale, your eyeballs will pop out- everybody within a 150-foot radius was aware of and eagerly watching the fight. Some even standing on top of the tables in the cafeteria to get a better look.

Unfortunately, within another five seconds, a teacher broke up the fight. But not before there had been some serious slapping, talon-scratching exchanges, and manual hair-transplants.

The scary thing? They were both grade 12 students. As in, they’ll be out of high school in another four months.