Getting old sucks: University means becoming an old fart - Macleans.ca

Getting old sucks: University means becoming an old fart

Now I walk uphill both ways

by

old-fart

Ever since I finished high school I’ve been slowly transforming into an old person.

I’ve been out of the public school system for just over a year now. Suddenly I’m hearing myself saying things to my brothers that my parents used to say to me.

“Don’t put your shoes on like that. You’ll ruin the heel.”

“Put a hat on. Do you want to have a heat stroke?”

“Stop crossing your eyes or you’ll weaken the muscles.”

I can’t sleep in past 8:00. When I catch Michael or David watching TV, I tell them to go outside and enjoy the sunshine. I can no longer pronounce words like ‘Bionicle.’ I notice birds when they chirp outside my bedroom window. I sometimes even watch them for a few seconds.

And I have to resist the urge to tuck my shirt into my pants.

I’ve developed a taste for weird foods. Like cold boiled eggs. And when I eat pancakes, I use chunky garlic syrup.

I swear, even my eyesight has diminished. I can’t make complete eye contact with people. I have a soft, wandering focus.

And I’ve started listening to the CBC.

-photo courtesy of JonDissed