Boy Scouts of America, Donald Trump has something insane to tell you

Scott Feschuk reads between the lines of Donald Trump’s bizarre speech to the National Scout Jamboree

U.S. President Donald Trump waves after delivering remarks at the 2017 National Scout Jamboree in Summit Bechtel National Scout Reserve, West Virginia, U.S., July 24, 2017. REUTERS/Carlos Barria TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY - RTX3CRHL

U.S. President Donald Trump waves after delivering remarks at the 2017 National Scout Jamboree in Summit Bechtel National Scout Reserve, West Virginia, U.S., July 24, 2017. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

Let’s read between the lines of Donald Trump’s insane speech to the National Scout Jamboree. The President’s words are in bold.

Thank you, everybody. Thank you very much. I am thrilled to be here. Thrilled.

“Prepare to have your minds blown, kids.”

Boy, you have a lot of people here. The press will say it’s about 200 people. It looks like about 45,000 people. You set a record today. You set a record. That’s a great honor, believe me.

Trump believes that every gathering he attends exists for him alone. Tens of thousands of Scouts come together for 10 days once every four years and he’s like, “So flattering, guys.”

Tonight, we put aside all of the policy fights you’ve been hearing about with the fake news and all of that. We’re going to put that aside.

This just in from the near future: He is not going to put that aside.

 READ: Tweets from His Grace, Donald of House Trump, First of His Name

Instead we’re going to talk about success—about how all of you amazing young Scouts can achieve your dreams.

“Especially the dream of luxury resort condominium ownership. You kids familiar with the Trump Tower Punta del Este in Uruguay? Very upscale—the best of the best. Extremely popular—very high demand—but I can get you in. Mr. Kushner will be coming around shortly to collect your deposit cheques.”

I said, ‘Who the hell wants to speak about politics when I’m in front of the Boy Scouts?’

Surely you can guess what’s coming in five… four… three…

You know, I go to Washington and I see all these politicians, and I see the swamp. And it’s not a good place. In fact, today I said we ought to change it from the word ‘swamp’ to the word ‘cesspool’ or perhaps to the word ‘sewer.’

Trump’s party controls the White House and both houses of Congress.

As President, I rely on former Boy Scouts every single day. It’s amazing how many Boy Scouts we have at the highest level of our great government. Many of my top advisors in the White House were Scouts. Ten members of my cabinet were Scouts. Can you believe that?

“I’d go so far to say that no organization on the face of this Earth produces a more compliant and spineless flunky!”

RELATED: Rating the sycophants around Donald Trump, from one to five bootlicks

Secretary of Energy Rick Perry, of Texas, an Eagle Scout from the Great State. The first time he came to the national jamboree was in 1964. He was very young then. And Rick told me just a little while ago, it totally changed his life.

“For it was on this very patch of land that a young Rick Perry was hit in the head with a football and immediately forgot math.”

Secretary Tom Price is also here. Today, Dr. Price still lives the Scout Oath, helping to keep millions of Americans strong and healthy as our Secretary of Health and Human Services. And he’s doing a great job. And hopefully he’s going to get the votes tomorrow to start our path toward killing this horrible thing known as Obamacare that’s really hurting us, folks.

“Now kids, it’s true that if your Mom gets cancer, she won’t be able to afford the treatment. But on the other hand, I can buy more speedboats.”

[To Tom Price] By the way, you going to get the votes? He better get them. He better get them. Oh, he better – otherwise, I’ll say, ‘Tom, you’re fired.’ I’ll get somebody.”

“Pay attention, kids—this is how you emasculate a grown man. Way easier than starting a campfire with flint, I’ll tell you. Which I never understood, by the way, because whenever I went camping my porters always had matches. Common sense, right? Easier.”

Scouts lead the way. And another thing I’ve noticed—and I’ve noticed it all my life—there is a tremendous spirit with being a Scout.

“I’ve noticed this better than anyone. In fact, there hasn’t been a single day in my entire life when I haven’t noticed it. Truth be told, I’m NOTICING IT RIGHT NOW.”

Boy Scout values are American values, and great Boy Scouts become great, great Americans. As the Scout Law says: “A Scout is trustworthy, loyal”—we could use some more loyalty, I will tell you that.

“Remember, kids: Loyalty is a one-way street. You should insist on others being loyal to you, but you should never feel obliged to be loyal to them. In fact, I recommend publicly humiliating people at every possible opportunity. Think of it as being loyal to yourself.”

MORE: Why is Trump attacking his own attorney general?

If you love what you do and dedicate yourself to your work, then you will gain momentum, and look—you have to, you need to. The word ‘momentum.’ You will gain that momentum, and each success will create another success. The word ‘momentum.’

“Kids, let’s hear it for the word ‘momentum.’ Let’s hear it for the verb ‘hear.’ Let’s hear it for numbers and letters and sounds. Don’t forget sounds! Some of my favourite noises are sounds.”

I’ll tell you a story that’s very interesting for me when I was young.

“I’ll speak you a sentence that’s very confusing for me when I thought tenses.”

Anyway, you’re going to want to settle in for this one.

There was a man named William Levitt … and he was a very successful man. He was a homebuilder … And he sold his company for a tremendous amount of money … a tremendous amount of money.

“The word ‘money.’”

And he went out and bought a big yacht, and he had a very interesting life. I won’t go any more than that because you’re Boy Scouts, so I’m not going to tell you what he did. Should I tell you? Should I tell you? Oh, you’re Boy Scouts, but you know life. You know life.

“Oh, yeah—you Scouts know life. Show of hands: Who here has earned their Threesome badge?”


I’ll spare you the interminable middle portion of the story. In a nutshell, Levitt eventually, in Trump’s words, “got bored with this life of yachts and sailing and all of the things he did in the south of France and other places.”

He bought back his company. And in the end he failed, and he failed badly. Lost all of his money. He went personally bankrupt, and he was now much older.

Wait, he lost all his money AND he was unable to avoid the temporal effects relating to the chronological passage of years? Double bummer.

And I saw him at a cocktail party, and it was very sad because the hottest people in New York were at this party. It was the party of Steve Ross who was one of the great people. He came up and discovered—really founded—Time Warner, and he was a great guy.

You kids all know Steve Ross, right? No? More of a Jack Welch crowd, eh? Suit yourselves.

And I see, sitting in the corner, was a little old man who was all by himself. Nobody was talking to him. I immediately recognized that that man was the once great William Levitt, and I immediately went over.

“And kicked him right in the shin while pointing and yelling, ‘LOOK EVERYONE: A POOR!!’”

So I went over and talked to him, and I said, “Mr. Levitt, I’m Donald Trump.” He said, “I know.”

“He said, ‘I know’ because he knew me, which is because I was well known.”

I said, “Mr. Levitt, how are you doing?” He goes, “Not well, not well at all.” And he explained what was happening and how bad it has been and how hard it has been.

According to my best guess, this is the exact moment at which every single kid in attendance thought to themselves, “Screw this. I’m dropping out of Scouts and joining the co-ed volleyball team at school.”

And I said, “What exactly happened? Why did this happen to you? You’re one of the greats ever in our industry. Why did this happen to you?” And he said, “Donald, I lost my momentum. I lost my momentum.”

Kind of like this anecdote.

In life, I always tell this to people, you have to know whether or not you continue to have the momentum, and if you don’t have it that’s okay. But the big thing: Never quit. Never give up.

Hang on, Trump. Whoa. You literally just spent six minutes telling a rambling story that eventually—eventually—got to a point of sorts: that you should only continue to chase a dream if you have momentum. And now, in the very next sentence, you’re saying to never give up, even if you’ve lost your momentum? Mr. President: You can take away the health care of Americans. You can collude with the Russians. You can botch every aspect of foreign relations and domestic policy. But you cannot HALF-ASS THE ENDING OF A SIX-MINUTE STORY.

READ: The bad poetry of Donald Trump

Do something you love. When you do something you love, you’ll never fail.

“Alternately, you can be like me and fail repeatedly—almost to a comic extent, really—and, well, I’m the President so honestly I guess it works doing it that way, too.”

So you’ll work 24/7, you’re going to work all the time, and at the end of a year you’re not really working. You don’t think of it as work.

“And then one day some little kid will call you up on the phone and say something weird like, ‘Are you coming home this weekend, Daddy?’—and you’ll be like, ‘Can’t hear you over the sound of the golf cart, whoever you are.’ You may have to fake the sound of the golf cart if you’re actually in the clubhouse, but you get my point.”

Now with that, I have to tell you our economy is doing great. Our stock market has picked up since the election November 8th.

“Are you 12-year-olds deep in the market or did you puss out and go bonds in your 401k’s?”

This is a very, very special occasion for me.

“But enough about me. Let’s talk about I.”

I’ve known so many Scouts over the years. Winners. I’ve known so many great people. They’ve been taught so well, and they love their heritage. But this is very special for me. And I just want to end by saying very importantly: