Top 10 great things about the proposed new U.S. health care act - Macleans.ca

Top 10 great things about the proposed new U.S. health care act

As Congress debates a new law, let’s look on the bright side of Obamacare’s demise

by

Here are the top 10 great things about the Republicans’ proposed replacement for Obamacare:

  1. Freedom-loving Americans finally unchained from the tyrannical shackles of not having to suffer painfully.
  1. You remain 100 per cent covered if your pre-existing condition is death.
  1. “Cancer” will henceforth be spelled as “kancer,” because laughter is the best medicine.
  1. Weird fine print: All medical pamphlets must now be illustrated with photos of Paul Ryan’s body.
  1. Reducing financial assistance to people with low incomes is only a problem if you’re a person with a low income. Think about it.
  1. More than 100 chronic conditions now classified under the category “Walk It Off.”
  1. Effective immediately, most medical procedures can be paid for in cash, tax credits or organs.
  1. Health care CEOs will get richer, which is what working-class Americans wanted when they voted for Trump, isn’t it?
  1. Stop your bellyaching: You’ve got two kidneys, two lungs and two hearts for a reason.
  1. Mathematically speaking, a shorter life span confers more relative meaning on each living day.