Welcome to New York, Donald J. Trump

Who says you can’t go home? New Yorkers.
Trump will fly into “Third World” John F. Kennedy International Airport this afternoon, the first time he’s been back to the city of his birth since moving from his tall New York tower to his new squat D.C. house. And while he’ll be greeted by people with signs, they won’t say “Welcome home” or “Mr. Trump Presidents ‘R’ US AF001.” Instead, protesters plan to be standing in sight of his meeting with Australian Prime Minister Malcolm “the worst call by far” Turnbull.

The Grand Tour: Trump Edition
The president’s first trip outside U.S. borders will reportedly consist of a Mediterranean loopty-loop. Stops on the sojourn: Israel, the Vatican and Saudi Arabia, as well as meetings of the “no longer obsolete” Brussels and the G7 in Sicily.

“Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental”
The president’s recent Socratic contemplation of the Civil War jogged memories of an earlier historical blunder. A Trump golf course in Virginia reportedly includes a commemoration of a Civil War battle that never was. The plaque dubs the nearby Potomac the “River of Blood,” a turn of phrase most notably used by a xenophobic British parliamentarian in 1968.

Singin’ this’ll be the day thousands of Americans are left to die
This time around, enough of the GOP banded together to pass a bill that cuts health insurance for the poor, price it out of reach for those with serious pre-existing conditions, remove protections for the elderly, and uncap out-of-pocket costs for workers who contract catastrophic illnesses. A House of Representatives vote on repealing Obamacare is expected to pass today. The Republican alternative, the American Health Care Act, includes an amendment, the effect of which would be to allow denial of coverage to rape and domestic abuse survivors.

Today in executive orders
A set of instructions to promote “religious liberty,” including undermining a rule that prohibits God-focused organizations from endorsing or opposing candidates for political office. At the signing shindig, President “Donald J. Trump is calling for a complete and total shutdown of Muslims entering the United States” promised to “never, ever stand for religious discrimination.”