Pace comrade Jessica Allen:
1. I don’t wash much of anything.
2. I think spit roasting a lamb in my backyard and feeding it to 70 people when my wife was in the early stages of labour with our first child was a reasonable undertaking, and certainly not cause for divorce.
3. At breakfast, I need to drink my tea out of a white ceramic mug so I can tell how strong it is. The paper sachet can’t fall into the tea. I need to drink it over the morning papers, after I’ve eaten everything. If something happens to mess any of this up this up, my day is pretty much ruined.
4. I can’t tell the difference between expensive and cheap olive oil. But I’ll still pay extra for Greek stuff out of some weird ethnic nationalism.
5. Turkish variations of Greek dishes are usually better.
6. My Scottish wife makes better moussaka than I do.
7. I think tuna, even the expensive sushi-grade stuff, is basically tasteless.
8. I think shooting, field dressing and eating a deer makes me more of a man than you.
9. Store-bought ‘Perfect Steak Marinade” by Broil King is better than anything I’ve been able to concoct myself.
10. I’ve tried dozens of different ways to roast a leg of lamb and have concluded that nothing beats olive oil, lemon, rosemary, garlic, salt and pepper.
11. If you put mint jelly on that when I serve it to you, I’ll be offended.
12. I’ll pretend I’m not, but I am. I mean why don’t I just go to the fridge and get you some ketchup? Hick.