Beaver Tales

The new Bell commercial features a couple of forlorn dudes staring out the window of their luxury dude pad. They’re gazing across at another building – into the window of a condo where two hot babes are hanging out at what we’re led to believe is the swanky dude pad of a couple other dudes.

Forlorn Dude No. 1 inquires forlornly: “What do they got that we don’t?” (ie. Why are them rival dudes scoring hot babes while we’re sitting here being all forlorny?)

Cut to the women. One is watching TV and marveling at the number of HD channels. The other is using a laptop computer and marveling at the download speed of the Internet connection. (Fun girls.)

Subsequently, it is revealed that the rival dudes, the dudes who have landed these fine, fine babes, are… Frank and Gordon, the computer-generated beavers who have been inflicted upon a defenceless TV-viewing public since the 2006 Winter Olympics.


So what are we to take from this commercial? What are we being led to believe happens after the commercial ends?

I think it’s pretty obvious that we’re being led to believe these two hot babes screw Frank and Gordon.

I don’t see how you can take it any other way. The beavers are clearly romancing the chicks (they’ve even prepared food for them, presumably on the hair- and feces-covered 20-inch-high stove they have in the kitchen). The chicks are clearly charmed and there of their own accord. All that’s left for this abomination of nature to take its course.

What an oddball way to market your company as a reliable go-to source for high-definition television and high-speed Internet.

Hey, honey, we need to get an HD provider for our new high-def plasma. Should we go with Rogers?

No, the one with the beastiality ads. Human chicks on semi-aquatic rodents. That seems like a company we can trust.

I look forward to the next series of Bell ads, where Frank and Gordon discover their, uhh, special feelings for each other.

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