How Canada can beat the United States in hockey - Macleans.ca

How Canada can beat the United States in hockey

It involves chicanery

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It comes down to Ryan Miller.

If patterns hold, Team Canada will muster more shots tomorrow than Team USA. It will probably win the balance of quality scoring chances. If Miller is on – and he’s been nothing but on the entire tournament – then the chances of an American victory rise considerably.

We must therefore do all we can to throw Ryan Miller off his game – not just as a team, but as a nation. We must work together to distract the American goaltender. And I fear he may be too savvy and focused to fall for the “Look, over there!” trick.

How we will distract Ryan Miller:

Fat guys – Come to the game naked.

Regular guys – Give your tickets to fat guys.

Mike Babcock – Orchestrate a detailed scheme to ensure that from the drop of the puck Team Canada gets in Miller’s crease, in his head, in his face. Also: come to the game naked.

Brenden Morrow – I heard from a guy who heard from another guy that Ryan Miller suspects you have “lady parts.” Go get him.

Chris Pronger – Just keep telling Miller about the old days when you used to tie an onion to your belt, because that was the style at the time.

Joe ThorntonThorntonThornton… are you sure you’re on Team Canada? Haven’t noticed you out there.

Jarome Iginla – Tell Miller the hot curler was totally asking about him.

Fans – Maybe start a chant that will demoralize Miller, like “You live in Buffalo.”

Any other ideas?