Form XV/2548-vii (06/2008)
Standard Government of Canada Letter to Resign From Office For Dating Julie Couillard
Please circle or checkmark the required areas, sign, adopt look of shame and submit:
Dear Prime Minister,
I am currently:
__ a minister in your cabinet.
__ an employee in a minister’s office.
__ Peter MacKay.
I hereby resign from my position for dating Julie Couillard.
I became aware of Ms. Couillard’s past associations with dubious elements of society when:
__ she informed me she’d once dated a notorious biker.
__ a notorious biker informed me he’d once dated Ms. Couillard (though, as I recall the conversation, he placed air quotes around the word “dated”).
__ some guy named Axe dangled me off the top of a tall building and I put two and two together.
Despite being entrusted with a position of public responsibility, I nevertheless pursued an intimate short-term/shorter-term (circle one) relationship with Ms. Couillard. It was awesome/tremendous (circle both). Looking back, I realize now that I was primarily attracted to her:
__ vivacious personality.
__ thrilling air of intrigue, danger and mystery.
During my relationship with Ms. Couillard, I did/did not leave sensitive government documents in her:
__ living room.
I will/will not provide the Government of Canada with Ms. Couillard’s phone number, Blackberry PIN and favourite band. This information is totally for official government reasons and not for the personal use of Dave, the lonely administrative assistant who typed up this form and will also be processing it.
Please attach photographs (not of you).
I hereby solemnly declare that the above statements are true in their entirety and agree to broad public disclosure of the information herein, even if it makes people look at me funny on the bus. Also, now that I’ve resigned, I can totally get with her again, right? RIGHT??