So what we’ve got in this here photograph is Playboy’s Playmate of the Year, Jayde Nicole of Port Perry, Ont. She’s the one wearing the Playboy rabbit necklace and, disappointingly, clothes.
On the right, sporting trendy sunglasses and a penis that’s deeply grateful for the afternoon off, is Hugh Hefner.
And on the left is… Jayde’s Mom! This is a touching moment and thank heavens it was captured as a digital image. For I ask you: could there be a more exciting rite of passage for a young 21st century woman than introducing her mother to her pornographer?
What we don’t know, alas, is precisely what Hef is saying to Jayde’s Mom. What are the possibilities — and the odds of them being Hugh Hefner’s actual statement?
30-1 “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
5-2 “I’m going to look slightly to the left as we converse – my eyes aren’t accustomed to seeing so much old.”
8-1 “Look – let’s not dwell on who did what to whose daughter…”
4-1 “Do you have Miley Cyrus’s phone number?”
6-5 “Having touched me on my shoulder, you may want to go wash your hands. And begin consecutive daily intramuscular injections with procaine penicillin to combat syphilis.”