Science tells us that we use only 10% of our brains – less if we were in any way involved in The Love Guru. But science is less clear about the upside of endeavouring to use more of the brain. Here’s a primer:
15% Can solve newspaper word jumble without crying.
22% That Rubik’s Cube? Totally your bitch.
26% Once and for all you put that goddamn Stephen Hawking in his goddamn place.
30% Hallucinogenic drugs no longer required to comprehend plot of Lost.
35% Hallucinogenic drugs no longer required to comprehend career decisions of Nic Cage.
41% You’re playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers. Which gets you disqualified by the organizers of the checkers tournament, but screw them.
44% Invited to join secret society of the world’s most intelligent people and Matthew McConaughey, who they let in because he has a boat.
53% On cold days, you can remain in the comfort of your own home and start your car… with your mind!
61% You begin to receive unsolicited sexual come-ons from nearby Intel processors.
77% Pretty good shot of winning Wheel of Fortune.
84% Able to impress friends at dinner by reciting pi to 1,000 digits and then making the busboy’s head explode.
93% All mysteries of universe revealed; inner peace achieved; spacetime transcended. And yet for all that you still don’t have X-ray vision, so really what’s the point?
100% No longer so easily fooled into thinking it’s butter.