Upcoming Rahim Jaffer revelations

Scott Feschuk goes inside the former MP's head

  • In his role as an executive with Green Power Generation, he once shot a man in Texas just to watch him biodegrade.
  • Borrowed Jason Kenney’s pen – never returned it.
  • Also made improper use of Stockwell Day’s Parliamentary office, but only by having sex in it.
  • Grasped the theoretical concept of using one’s connections with officials in positions of authority to obtain preferential treatment, but evidently wasn’t any good at actually getting the preferential treatment.
  • Only lasting legacy as a member of the Conservative caucus was successful introduction and enforcement of “No Fat Chicks” rule.
  • Also used wife’s office to run a bookie operation, a prostitution ring and a nicely successful Avon franchise thank you very much.
  • That daily 3 p.m. business meeting he kept talking about? General Hospital.
  • Second runner-up, Miss Huronia Pageant, 1992.
  • Those busty hookers weren’t his – he was just keeping them for a friend.
  • For two years, there wasn’t a male Conservative in Ottawa who could take a leak in Centre Block without Rahim sidling up next to them and saying: “Close your eyes and picture our glorious green energy future!”
  • Currently sleeps in his car.

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