Where does your government stand on today’s key issues? A helpful primer - Macleans.ca

Where does your government stand on today’s key issues? A helpful primer

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Shortage of life-saving medical isotopes
Sexy. – Lisa Raitt

Fatal spread of listeriosis
Hilarious. – Gerry Ritz

Effects of climate change
Apparently also hilarious. – Whoever created government plan to “combat” them

Toronto
%!#*@ – John Baird

Aboriginals
Lazy. – Pierre Poilievre

Gays
Dirty fingernailed. Tom Lukiwski

Recession
Impossible, then retroactively inevitable, then – Look! Over there! Is that a shiny new dime on the floor?! [Sounds of footsteps racing off into distance, followed by slamming of car door, roar of engine and squeal of tires.] –Stephen Harper

Pledges to expand child care, reduce wait times, etc.
<Looking down, trying to avoid eye contact, pretending to talk on cell phone…>

Deficit
Definitely, positively not ever going to happen on our wat— uh oh, now it’s the biggest one ever. – Jim Flaherty

Frosted Lucky Charms
Magically delicious. – Jim Flaherty

MPs crossing the floor
A vile outrage until changing one’s view is useful for political expediency. – Stephen Harper

Staying the course in Afghanistan until the job is done
A moral imperative until changing one’s view is useful for political expediency. – Stephen Harper

Laws
Important to obey and aggressively enforce at all times, except the election ones.

Scientific validity of evolution
Need a couple days to feel sufficient pressure to unconvincingly express “belief” in it. – Gary Goodyear

Kitty-cats
Adorable – Everyone

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