On Campus

The science fair circus

One of the things I won’t miss about high school is science fair. In an abstract sort of way, I can appreciate the value of it. Just like I can appreciate the fact that, without mosquitos, the entire ecological food chain would be catastrophically disrupted and could potentially result in a massive extinction of numerous dependent species. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t push the hypothetical, “Blink them all out of existence,” button if I had the choice. Birds should just learn to be less picky with their food and eat tofu.

If that analogy made absolutely no sense at all, I’ll confuse everything even more with another one: science fair is kind of like cottage cheese. From its name, you might assume its something kinda fun that also tastes good, instead of tasting like… well… camel’s ass.

Science fair doesn’t taste like a camel’s ass, but it does sound like it would be a happy little carnival filled with cute barn animals. Instead it’s stressful, time consuming, and pointless. Just like that T-shirt says, “Everything that can be invented has been invented.”

Okay, okay, the guy who said that was from the 1800’s. As in, before the Era of the Toothbrush and General Hygiene. But you get the idea.

Science projects won’t instantly vaporize from my life the moment I leave high school. In an engineering class, I might even have to build something like a satellite. But at least it won’t be called something that pretends to be a happy science circus kind of event, including balloons and cotton candy.