What would Ryan Lochte do? Nothing that involves critical thinking - Macleans.ca

What would Ryan Lochte do? Nothing that involves critical thinking

Keeping it real: The latest on reality television


Manisha Krishnan dishes on the often outrageous, always entertaining world of reality television. Follow Manisha on Twitter: @ManishaKrishnan

Let’s get right to it: Who is Ryan Lochte and why should anyone care what he might do?

The 28-year-old swimming sensation is an 11-time U.S. Olympic medallist. He holds world records in the 100-metre medley and a bunch of other stuff, but basically, he’s hot, wealthy and astoundingly dumb.

So, of course, now he’s the star of his own reality TV show.

E!’s What Would Ryan Lochte Do? follows the athlete as he chases girls, cries, gets wasted and coins catchphrases that he does not always understand. Consider, for example, the “Lochte edge.” What is it? “I honestly have no idea,” he muses, followed by 10 seconds of silence.

On tour to promote his eight-part series, Lochte demonstrated that his dim-wittedness is not an act.

During an interview with Fox’s Good Day Philly, he was asked how he planned to party while training hard for the Rio 2016 Olympics.

“If you’re a man at night, you gotta be a man in the morning,” he replied.

Er … yeah — that’s generally how biology works.

Describing what makes him “a lot different” than any other Olympian, he said, “I like to go out and have fun, go dancing, hang out with my friends.” Anchors Mike Jerrick and Sheinelle Jones openly laughed at Lochte, though the notion they were mocking him went over his head. 

To sum up: if Michael Phelps and Kim Kardashian had a baby who was repeatedly dropped at birth, it would be Ryan Lochte.

This is unlikely to be enlightening television — we might get more from it if we watch on mute — but there will be plenty to ridicule, which could well make up for such shortcomings as Lochte’s IQ.

What Would Ryan Lochte Do? premieres April 21, 10 p.m. ET on E! Check back here for my take on it.

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