Let us now praise Helena Guergis - Macleans.ca

Let us now praise Helena Guergis

Scott Feschuk: Stop, stop: you had me at “verbally abuse airline agents.”

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helena guergisFor years, we’ve been searching for ways to attract quality candidates for elected office. Think pieces have been written. Seminars have been held. I believe Stephane Dion used a combination of Magic 8-Ball and chloroform. Nothing.

Well, all you eggheads can down tools. Helena Guergis has solved the problem.

If scoring some low-level, flunkie-style cabinet job where you fly around handing out oversized novelty cheques entitles you to verbally abuse airline agents, get on your flight after it’s been closed off, kick the crap out of a security door, hurl your boots at airport screening officers while swearing your @#!*ing head off and demeaning their entire province as a “shithole,” well then count us in. I am dead serious. That sounds like a @#!*ing awesome job. What Guergis got to do is one of my top five fantasies, and the only one not to include Scarlett Johansson and a bouncy castle.

What’s that? We also get to delay a whole entire flight, inconveniencing dozens of others? And there are no repercussions??

Stop, stop: you had me at “verbally abuse airline agents.”

ALSO: If Helena Guergis were a Hollywood celebrity, wouldn’t this outburst have been followed two days later by a small story on page three headlined: “Guergis checks self into rehab.”