Mike Duffy has learned something while sitting in the Senate - Macleans.ca

Mike Duffy has learned something while sitting in the Senate

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Decades as a journalist and decades more as a sentient Canadian apparently did nothing to prepare Mike Duffy for the shocking revelation that awaited him upon being appointed to the upper chamber. As the Senator himself put it while traveling in Kelowna: “Once you get in there, you realize that every piece of legislation passed by Parliament has to go through the Senate prior to adoption.”

Sweet bearded Jesus! Do the Fathers of Confederation know about this?? Someone alert the ghost of Adams Archibald!

Wait – there’s yet more that the intrepid Duffy has uncovered: “And the Senate rules are different than the House of Commons. Senate committees can’t sit while the Senate is in session, so that puts you in the situation of having some pretty long days.”

Holy nutballs! Next thing you know we’ll be finding out that, like the House of Commons, the Senate has its very own Speaker, Question Period and pervading sense of futility.

But Duffy’s trip out west was about more than revealing startling Parliamentary details previously known only to every child over the age of 12. He also talked a lot about wood. In fact, the front page of today’s edition of The Daily News in Kamloops features the headline Use More Wood, Senator Urges – which is either a direct appeal by Mike Duffy to Canada’s construction industry or Viagra’s least effective slogan-spokesman combination ever.

In the article, Duffy blows the lid off another state secret when he astutely observes, “We’re surrounded by wood in Canada.”  With time to reflect, I’m sure he’d agree this wasn’t the nicest way to refer to his new colleagues in the Senate.

One final note from the Senator’s journey of discovery: Some of you may remember all the way back to last week, when Duffy was going on about how he never really wanted to be a Senator but then, oh well, fine, twist my arm… and then how he was totally determined to sit as an independent because he wasn’t the least bit partisan but then, oh well, fine, if you reeeeeeeally want me to be a Conservative…

Read the following quote from Mike Duffy and see if you can spot the part where he comes across as a non-partisan, independent-minded member of the upper chamber.

“I’m not holding my breath on an early election,” he said. “We have to be ready, however, just in case. That’s why we need your continued financial support and your help with the ground game. We’ve got to become born-again Canadians, I think, and explain to our kids, our families and our neighbours why the Conservatives are the party they can count on to work for them and for their values.”

Born-again Canadians? Um, okay. Makes sense, I guess. To paraphrase Jesus, only those who are born again shall be able to see the glory of government infrastructure projects and festival funding in their ridings.

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