Lynne Spears’ account of raising her famous daughter Britney and her famously knocked-up daughter Jamie Lynn will be released this fall.
The book will be called Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World. This title narrowly won out over the more accurate but less marketable My Life as a Great Good So-So Halfway-Decent Not-Entirely-Awful Biological Mother.
“When Jamie Lynn got pregnant, it was put on hold,” a spokesman for the publisher said of the epic. “Lynne never stopped working on it because she wants to express her love for her children and tell their stories through a mother’s eyes.” Also, she totally needed the three grand.
The tome will be dispatched into the world by Thomas Nelson, a company that publishes inspirational books and Bibles. It’s not clear into which of these two categories Lynne’s memoir will fall. On one hand, it is “inspirational” that a woman can do such a piss-poor job of mothering yet earn some coin for publicly recollecting her incompetence. But on the other, the book will contain stark imagery of suffering, persecution and terrifying acts of retribution. And those are just the scenes involving Britney’s vagina.
One thing is for certain: the Spears manuscript “will not be a parenting book,” the spokesman said. “It’s her story of what it was like being a mom and raising two very famous people.”
I love that. It will not be a parenting book. Really? Because so many new parents would just kill to learn the secret of how to raise a family in such a way that getting impregnated at 16 qualifies a child as the successful and stable one. I have every confidence that such a book would immediately become a bestseller all across Lindsay Lohan’s mother’s house.